One slogan we use at Religious Recovery meetings is “Leave your religion at the door.” This isn’t an indication that we are anti-religion. Let me try to explain. If you said there was a man at the door, I wouldn’t know what to expect. If you said a white man, or a black man, or an Asian man was at the door, I would open the door with a little more information and perhaps some bias.

If you told me a priest, or a rabbi, or a Jehovah’s Witness was at the door, chances are my response to that man would once again be biased by my beliefs concerning what I know — or at least what I think I know — about what they believe and what they stand for. I might also assume they come with an agenda.
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Our goal in Religious Recovery is to help people heal. But, if we announce we are a member of a particular religious belief system, we may encounter controversy based solely on other people’s preconceived ideas. Controversy is one of the last things we want. So we leave our religious affiliations behind us at least for the duration of the meeting, and we enter with an open mind and spirit. Perhaps it might do us well to let go of the labels altogether.

Sap is gathered one drop at a time. A life is formed one drop of influence at a time. Lives are seldom changed all at once by torrential rainfalls of influence. The still small drip of ideas, philosophies, and beliefs accumulate over time until the jug is full. Once the jug is full, there is often no room for fresh ideas or new concepts. You have to release some of the old to make room for the new.

There are times when something needs to change. Often the only way to make that change is in being the drip of sap that constantly, consistently, plunks down into the bucket. Our persistence is often seen and heard by others, and one at a time, they join us until we have a more consistent chorus of dripping sap. Gandhi said, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
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Situations don’t come into being all at once, and it often takes a good deal of time to overcome years of prejudice or other unwanted situations. Discouragement is normal, but we can recognize it, release it, and ignore it. Drip, drip, drip. Fill your bucket with spiritual drops of loving-kindness.

Step Five: Share our struggles with others of like-mindedness trusting that our anonymity will be guarded by all.
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Coming out of the closet of religious abuse, or stepping from behind the Wizard’s curtain of hiding our true spiritual nature is not an easy task for many people. “Coming out” is especially difficult for those who have been bombarded by one particular religious belief system and who know that making a break will cost them the lifestyles they’ve known.
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Breaking away can cost us our jobs, our families, our homes, and even the love that we knew. Sometimes the break is forced upon us when tragedy strikes. This might happen when a marriage ends in divorce and the religious institution we attended tells us we are wrong and no longer worthy to be a part of their family. There are other mistakes that people make that are considered unforgivable by their religious society. And, there are many groups who have a closed society and any questioning or doubting can lead a person to be ostracized without any hope of reconciliation.

We share our struggles carefully for fear of further rejection, shame, blame, guilt, and condemnation. That’s why Religious Recovery strongly believes in anonymity. If we want to create a safe place where people can speak freely, then we must maintain one another’s anonymity. When we feel safe, we can let go of our pain. As we release, we heal.

Often we tire of rituals that seem to have lost their meaning. When that happens, we may decide to release these forms in order to create new, more meaningful rituals that meet the needs of current society. Before we do, however, let’s consider if this is a wise decision.

Rituals and ceremonies go back hundreds and even thousands of years and have given spiritual strength and hope to millions of people. We should determine if it is the ritual that needs changing, or if it is our approach to the ritual. Religious Recovery is not opposed to new forms of worship — new rituals or ceremonies — but at the same time, we may also discover that the old can be made new again with a little bit of effort on our part. Sometimes all it takes is clearing our minds, letting go of the present demands, and focusing our attention on the meaning of the words and the actions of the ritual.

There is nothing wrong with experiencing different forms of rituals from different religions and cultures. In fact, we encourage the seeking of spiritual wisdom and insight from all paths, but we also respect the traditions that have worked in the past. Even if they no longer seem to work for us, they still have meaning to others, and that’s what matters.

Finding a balance in religion does not mean that we have to partake of each religion in equal measure. Consider the ingredients used to make a food dish. We seldom use equal proportions of salt, flour, milk, and sugar, or any other ingredient. Most dishes have a main ingredient and the others add flavor, or in some cases, reduce an overpowering flavor. Each ingredient has a function, and we use them all in different degrees to balance one another.

Most people have a main religion they were born into or chose on their own. Fine. That’s just the way things are. But, danger can arise if we exclude all the other religious flavors available to us. We don’t have to balance religion by attempting to have an equal portion of each available one. That’s silly and impossible. But, we can balance the words of the Buddha with the words of Jesus and find a new understanding and a new religious dish that is to our liking. We can balance the words of Muhammad and the words of Krishna.

Every ingredient in a food dish has meaning and value — something to add to the overall success of the final dish. Most religions also have meaning and value — something to add to the overall success of the final spiritual dish that sustains us for the journey home.

Balance is something we take for granted until we become unbalanced. We see it in the physical world especially as people age. Some of my favorite yoga exercises involve balance, but now that I’m older I find it more difficult to stay in a balanced position.

Mental balance is also importance, and once again, we take it for granted until we become mentally unbalanced. This phrase, mentally unbalanced, prompts images of psychopaths who go on a killing spree or commit some other heinous crime, but mental imbalance can come in much milder forms. These milder forms are not necessarily evil or even bad, but simply a mental state in which our focus has shifted too far in one direction. Obsessive compulsive disorders can occur when someone focuses too much attention on one particular thing — or even one particular person.

Spiritual imbalance can also occur in our lives. This can happen when we place too much of our focus on certain rules and doctrines, or when we become enamored by one particular form of religion, or one particular religious leader, to the exclusion of all others.

Each nation has a variety of paths that lead up the mountain to the celestial city. As the journey takes the individuals higher up the mountain, the paths merge. Eventually, about two-thirds of the way up the mountain the path merges into one. This happens on all four sides of the mountain creating four paths, one from each nation.

Each of the four paths then turns west toward the setting sun. Before long each path approaches the territory that is “owned” by a different nation. Much to their disappointment, the path is blocked and guarded by every nation, claiming it to be their land. Soldiers are present with spears and swords, and also the head of that nation’s religious organization stands in front of the armies to proclaim that their path is sacred, and their god and their path is the only true way to reach the city.

The only way for each to pass, is to renounce their religion and believe in the “right” way to get to the celestial city — the way that each guards with his or her life. All around the mountain this scene plays out day after day. No one gets through. All go around and around, while the city waits.

Imagine a city atop a mountain. At the four corners of the base of the mountain lie four different nations with four different cultures and four different religions. Each religion has created their own set of rules to live by, but each share at least two things in common. First, each teaches that love is their highest goal, and second, each believes the city atop the mountain is the holy place of their god or gods, and the place they hope to go to one day.

Each religion has a different name for the celestial city. The eastern religion calls it Nirvana. The western religion calls it heaven. The northern religion calls it The City of the Gods. And the southern religion calls it The City of the Great Spirit. Surprisingly, each religion believes that their beliefs are the only ones that will enable their people to reach the celestial city. The celestial city is the same. Each religion hopes to reach it. Few, if any of the people of the nations, understand this truth.

     One slogan we use at Religious Recovery meetings is “Leave your religion at the door.” This isn’t an indication that we are anti-religion. Let me try to explain. If you said there was a man at the door, I wouldn’t know what to expect. If you said a white man, or a black man, or an Asian man was at the door, I would open the door with a little more information and perhaps some bias.
     If you told me a priest, or a rabbi, or a Jehovah’s Witness was at the door, chances are my response to that man would once again be biased by my beliefs concerning what I know — or at least what I think I know — about what they believe and what they stand for. I might also assume they come with an agenda.
     Our goal in Religious Recovery is to help people heal. But, if we announce we are a member of a particular religious belief system, we may encounter controversy based solely on other people’s preconceived ideas. Controversy is one of the last things we want. So we leave our religious affiliations behind us at least for the duration of the meeting, and we enter with an open mind and spirit. Perhaps it might do us well to let go of the labels altogether.
 

Why do we treat religion like marriage — only one husband or wife at a time? If we are unhappy with our religion, why not carry on a religious affair? When our present religious experience leaves us dissatisfied, why not look for a new spiritual love? I don't recommend this for personal relationships, but when we realize that there is one Supreme Being known by many names, we are not divorcing The Divine but only a religious belief system that no longer meets our needs.

If our jobs weren’t meeting our needs and if our jobs were in fact creating problems in our lives, wouldn’t we at least consider the possibility of changing careers? Yet in our spiritual lives so many people believe what they have been told was unequivocal religious truth, and so they refuse to question whether it is the only truth, and nothing but the truth. If there were only one right religion, wouldn’t we have discovered it by now, and wouldn’t everyone be able to discern the truth?

Yet many people stay with what they “know” to be religious truth even when common sense and intuition direct them to other paths. The Divine wouldn’t have provided us with brains if we weren’t supposed to use them.

Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.

The struggle to name that which is un-nameable has created problems for our world. People have fought, killed, died, and sacrificed their lives in the name of their higher power. Perhaps if we had one name that everyone could agree upon we could solve most of the world’s conflicts and end wars. But even the attempt to agree upon a single name could create the opposite effect and generate more fighting, killing, and needless sacrifices.

The solution is not in choosing one name, but in honoring all the names that we have. Language is so varied that at times we can’t understand one another without an interpreter. But with variety and diversity also comes more beauty. To describe love in the English language presents problems because we only have one word for love. But love is complex and has different meanings depending on the circumstances. Are we talking about parental love or marital love?
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Some languages have more than one word for love. Should we argue and fight another person because their language is different than ours? Of course not. Instead we celebrate the variety of meanings and the new insights that each language offers. The same is true of the divine being, or beings, that religions love and worship. Same Divine, but many names. When we open our minds and our hearts to the language of Love, we can getter a clearer perspective of The Divine.

I understand the wisdom behind the expression to “stay the course,” but I also think there are times when the expression can prove disastrous. Of course, what is meant by staying the course is to keep on keeping on, or to keep trying until things work out the way they are supposed to.

Anyone who has tried to steer a sailboat can tell you that the shortest distance between two points may be a straight line, but the quickest amount of time to get there isn’t always moving in a straight line. If our destination takes us into a headwind, then trying to move forward against the wind would be impossible until the wind were to change direction and blow directly behind us instead of against us.
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In order for a sailor to get where they want to go, they often have to move left or right of their target, and make corrections along the way. If a sailor were to blindly look at his course without regard to the effects of the wind, he could easily miss his destination and might even run his ship aground. Instead of blind obedience to the law that says the shortest distance is a straight line, the sailor knows to consider all variables and to make course corrections as needed.

 As a parent we often know what’s best for our children, even if they don’t. There are times when they ask for things we know they are not old enough or wise enough to handle. So, we say “no.” At other times we restrict their freedom — not to be cruel, but to protect them. We watch over them, guide them, and love them. Good parents always want what is best for their children, and they try to provide everything for the child’s needs.
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Good parents also distinguish between what a child needs and what a child wants. If we give children everything they want, we risk spoiling them. So, we provide their needs, and try to find a balance in giving them the things they want. Parenting also involves knowing what a child really wants — not merely things, but relationships.

What if the Divine Parent treated us the same way? What if the Parent provided our needs and also a measure of our desires? But, what if the Divine Parent knows all along what our true wants are? There is so much we do not know, but The Divine thoroughly knows us. Our Divine Parent gives us exactly what we need at just the right time and in the right place, because the Divine Parent knows us better than we know ourselves. The Divine’s answer is the one we truly want.

Truth is taught to be a desirable characteristic of many religions and philosophies. The enemy of truth is fear. We fear what people might think of us if they knew the real person we try to hide. And, there are those who try to build themselves up by looking down on others. Many of us have been guilty of doing that from time to time.

To be truthful about who we are means to be vulnerable to attack. But, we are always vulnerable to attack no matter what we’ve done or what we believe. Only by sequestering ourselves with others who think and act the way we do can we risk being vulnerable — or so we think. To open our thoughts and our hearts takes courage, but without taking the risk, we lose the ability to touch lives and affect change.

It is okay to take small steps into truth and vulnerability. Not every ghost has to be revealed. Not all mistakes have to be unearthed. We walk into this with tentative steps, and as we do, we discover safe areas. Everyone will not appreciate our efforts. But those who do will benefit from our desire to be genuine. Keep in mind our goal is not to change other people. If that happens, it can be a welcome byproduct, but our goal is to improve the only one we do have control over — ourselves. Truth through vulnerability can help us move further down the path toward our spiritual goals.

In Step Two we claim that The Divine has no religion. If that is so, then what is the essence of The Divine? Step Three states that we are spiritual beings, so, is The Divine a spiritual being also? Yes. The Divine is Spirit. No body. Nothing to restrict it to this plane of existence. It is pure thought, pure love, abundant in resources and power, yet loving in every aspect of its nature.

At our highest and best, we remember that we are also spirit. Yes, we have an earthly body that limits our abilities, and while we remain in the body we are restricted by time and space, but the spirit within us is the essence of who we really are. We can transcend what seems to be our baser natures and live up to our full potential as loving, caring, trusting creations of The Divine.

When we truly recognize our spiritual natures and tap into the power of love, we will come into our strength and power, able to transform our lives first, and then the lives of the world — not by strength of force, but by the power of love. This transformation is accomplished when we decide to turn our lives over to that which is greater than we are. This turning over of our lives is a decision we make on a regular basis until the decision “sticks.” Until it is solidified in our thinking, in our hearts, and in our spirits. We are quite simply returning to Love.

     Many people are held captive in prisons of their own making. At times we see only the darkness and the reason might be because we have imprisoned ourselves and blocked the Light from entering our pitiful cell. We are not the victims of the world unless we decide to be victims. Our freewill allows us to decide whether or not to remain imprisoned or to break free. No one else can decide for us.
     We were intended to be free, and yet we entered into prisons of our own making. Prisons of fear, worry, selfishness, greed, and hatred. At all times, and in all ways, we have the keys to unlock the prison doors and walk away, because for every lock there is a key. For every fear there is always love. For each worry there is divine peace. For selfishness there is gratitude and kindness. And for hatred there is love.
    All we have to do is decide we want to live in freedom and make our request know to Divine Spirit. Be assured that every request is heard and answered, and Divine Spirit’s answer is just the one we really want. We can choose to live in prison, or we can decide to live free of guilt, shame, and the feeling of separation — separation from The Divine and from one another.

People use different postures for prayer and meditation. Some prefer to stand, some to sit, some to kneel, others to lay prostrate on the floor — or in bed (one of my favorite postures). I’ve even heard it said that some people consider yoga to be a prayer position, and those who use yoga for prayer or meditation are worshipping a false god. To which I say, what a load of rubbish. The position is not important. The practice is. I would also propose that what name we give to the One we meditate or pray to is also not important. Obviously, the important thing when we consider our prayer posture is what works best.
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I have tried several postures, and most have been beneficial. At the time of this writing, I use the prone, lying-in-bed posture the most, but I also enjoy a seated posture with my feet flat on the floor, eyes closed, and body relaxed. My posture is not too erect and not too slumped. I’ve also enjoyed the cross-legged posture while sitting on a zafu cushion, and a kneeling bench posture. Both of these have been enjoyable. When we find a posture we like, it’s okay to stick with it. But, don’t be afraid to venture into other postures. As far as I know, no posture belongs exclusively to one religion, so if other people find their form beneficial, maybe we will too.

In America, and in other parts of the world, we have freedom of religion. We can choose any religion we want and hold any religious belief we want. We can even change religions and, for the most part, no one will try to stop us — except perhaps family and those of our former religion.
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We can even have freedom from religion. We can choose not to be a part of any religious belief system. If we make that choice, the conclusion often drawn is that we have become an atheist or an agnostic. But, there is a third choice, one that many people are making even if they don’t recognize it as a choice. We can choose to have no specific religious affiliation, or we can choose to be affiliated with several different faiths at the same time. Where is it written that we must pick one and deny the others? Another choice is to decide to be free from religion but still believe in a higher power that provides for all our spiritual needs. I encounter many people in this category who tell me they are spiritual but not religious. Why should we limit our choices? If our goal is to connect with The Divine, why restrict our search to one way of thinking?

Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”

​As in Step One, Step Three calls for another form of recognition. This recognition involves the realization that we are more than flesh and blood—that the essence of what we are has to do with our spirits and not our bodies.

By claiming we are spiritual beings, we come to grips with life and death. If we are only flesh and blood, then it seems we would be amiss not to go for all the fun and excitement this life has to offer no matter what the consequences might be to others. As long as we are happy, why should we care what happens to others? But, if we believe there is more to our lives then eating, sleeping, and dying, then we must come to terms with what that might look like, and how we might best make the transition from this world to the next.
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Step Three recognizes there is more to life; and with this simple assertion comes the responsibility to find a path that leads Home. What better way is there to find that path than to turn our lives over to that which is greater than self? We are spiritual beings, and so we look to The Divine Being to guide our paths.

There are times when the sea becomes so fierce that the ship we are sailing in becomes beaten and battered to the point that our safety is at risk. When the ship is going down, it behooves us to know when to abandon the vessel.

Religions institutions — whether the mother organizations or the individual assemblies — are much like a ship traveling the spiritual seas. At times these religious ships run into serious storms that threaten to destroy the vessel. Each individual must determine if the storm will blow over or if the storm is serious enough to take them under. Often the answer depends on the individual and his or her needs.

Sometimes we abandon the religious ship for other reasons. We discover we are on the wrong vessel and it is actually headed in the wrong direction. We might discover the Captain is untrustworthy and does not care for the safety and comfort of his passengers. We may discover that the Captain has changed his mind about where the ship is supposed to go, and if we want to reach our destination then we must disembark and find passage on a different ship. Knowing when to stay the storm and when to abandon ship can help us have the best experience possible. After all, the journey can be just as enjoyable as the destination.

I am a football fan. I love to see my team win, and I hate to see them lose. Sports are like that. Much of life is like that. In sports, for every winner there must be a loser. But, does this winner/loser mentality have to carry over into our spiritual lives?

If we carry the analogy into the spiritual realm, for every winner, there must be a loser. If winning is going to heaven, then for everyone who goes to heaven, must there be someone who goes to hell? Is our religion much like pro football? If winning the Super Bowl is the ultimate goal — the sports equivalent to heaven — then does every team that doesn’t make it become destined to sports hell with little funding and a few fans who cover their faces with paper bags?
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It would seem that religions have, at times, taken on this win/lose attitude. We’re the best and only true religion, and if you’re not following us you’re going to miss heaven and land in hell. What if there was nothing to lose. Perhaps the truth is that there is no spiritual contest involved. Everyone can win, and no one has to lose. The universe will not be unbalanced if everyone makes it through to the next round.

I always thought there was only one way to peel a banana. In fact I had never considered there might be a different way, perhaps even a better way, until my ten-year-old granddaughter taught me a method she learned at school. It seems that monkeys peel their bananas from the bottom. I tried it, and it works. I’m so used to doing it one way, and because that way works for me I probably won’t change. Why mess with something that works, right?

I went to the Internet and discovered an article that demonstrated eight different ways to peel a banana.[1] Is there a right way or a wrong way? I don’t think so. As long as you get to the fruit inside, are able to eat it, and the method doesn’t interfere with providing nourishment to your body — what difference does it make?
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I used to think there was only one way to connect with The Divine. I was wrong about that, too. People might make a strong argument that their way is the best way, and who is to say if they are right or wrong. One thing I’m convinced of; however, is that their way is not the only way, and there is much we can learn from one another if we will only keep our minds and hearts open.


[1] http://www.wikihow.com/Peel-a-Banana

The time has come to put guilt in its place. In the past, many religious belief systems have used guilt and fear to corral their members. Any step outside the boundaries of the corral, and a quick reminder is given through the use of guilt that inside is safe but outside is not. If you venture beyond the boundaries, you might be brought back, but often this comes with a price. Some religious systems have charged a fee to get back inside the gate — real or imaginary. Others require a simple apology to the injured party and/or to The Divine.

It seems what those religious systems do is try to stake a claim to their flock. We have our corral, others have theirs. Don’t try to mess with our corral (or our flock). But, it’s okay for us to mess with yours because we have the only true path.
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Ridiculous. Guilt is the wrong motivation. Forgiveness and love is the proper motivation for religion and spirituality. Let’s set aside guilt and find ways to communicate and get things done without “guilting” someone simply because they don’t believe what we believe.

     If someone puts a gun to our heads and tells us to do what they say or we will die, we have only two choices. Obey and live, or disobey and die. Or, at least it seems that way. In fact, we have multiple choices. We can faint. We can reason with them. We can call their bluff. If we know self-defense we might be able take away the gun. Or, we can pull out a bigger gun.
   There are times in life when we think we have only two choices. Yes, we can decide between the two, but we might also be able to happen upon more acceptable alternatives. In the church of my youth, I was taught there was one road to heaven. Follow it and live eternally, deny it and land in hell. When we believe these are the only two choices, how can we not choose their program?
   But what if they are wrong? What if there are other roads to heaven? Many religious paths claim to have the one, true, answer. Follow and live, reject it and die. In my latter years, I’ve come to believe I don’t have to accept the black-and-white demands presented by some religious faiths. I enjoy a lot of alternative paths much more than the path I was on, and I no longer feel as if I have a gun to my head.