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STEP FIVE CONTINUED: Share our struggles with others of like-mindedness trusting that our anonymity will be guarded by all. Instruction: Realize you are not alone. As lonely, secluded, and injured as we might feel, there is always someone who has experienced something similar to what we have gone through. Others have been hurt, disappointed, abused, or misled by a religious leader or a religious organization. By finding and sharing our struggles with those who understand what we are dealing with, we discover that we are not alone or isolated. It is disappointing to be in a position where we need support, but the new friendships and acquaintances can bring healing, love, understanding, and a safe environment that allows us to work though the darkness together. At other times, it supports us when we are alone and find we are haunted by the past. Religious Recovery supports individuals through literature and online help, but the 13-Step meetings and one-on-one support are perhaps the greatest tools to find our way out of the darkness. Healing is benefited when we have someone who lovingly listens to our pain and shares our journey, because they’ve experienced similar pain, and who offers words of comfort, even if it’s something as simple as saying “I understand. I can relate. I’m here for you.” Part of the sharing process is being given permission to vent and release our emotions. Anger is a common and reasonable response to abuse. Tears are an acceptable and needed form of release. By sharing our pain, we begin to release and heal. Without sharing, the wounds remain open far longer than necessary. I have had the honor of working with people who have said to me that they have never shared their story with anyone else before. Many have held onto their story for years. Today’s instruction is to find someone you know to be absolutely safe, even if it’s a total stranger you will never meet again, and share your story. This is not so much confession as it is release, and release is the beginning of healing the past so that we may live fully in the present.
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STEP FIVE CONTINUED: Share our struggles with others of like-mindedness trusting that our anonymity will be guarded by all.
Instruction: Share the pain. For those who have been sexually abused by a religious leader, the expression, “share our struggles” might come across as insulting. “Struggles” is such a mild word to use for the disgrace, pain, and suffering incurred. It almost seems to suggest that somehow we own the struggles, and they were not inflicted upon us by someone else. Part of the road to recovery involves understanding that even though the abuse was caused by another, the aftereffects of the abuse now belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with those scars. The struggles, often through no fault of our own, are now ours to overcome. There is an expression that says “ . . . shared pain is half the pain.” The concept has merit, especially when the person or group you share the pain with is understanding and nonjudgmental. In fact, shared pain can be lessened by even more than half, or it can work the other way and be increased if those we share with are not trustworthy, kind, understanding, and supportive. It takes a courageous person to open their wounds and bleed again in front of an individual or a group. Until we feel safe, we will probably bury the aching of our hearts behind closed doors. When we find a safe haven, sharing our pain is often the beginning of our healing. Today’s instruction is directed towards those who have been sexually abused by a religious person. Seek professional help. Religious Recovery is a non-professional, self-help organization and we strongly urge those who have been sexually abused to seek the best help available. We welcome everyone who comes to us with the purpose of healing, but we also recognize our limitations. Our groups are often useful in helping those with sexual abuse scars, but we suggest that we become an added aid, not necessarily your only source of healing. STEP FIVE: Share our struggles with others of like-mindedness trusting that our anonymity will be guarded by all.
Instruction: Take a chance. One problem that the concept of overcoming religious abuse has faced over the years is that many people don’t want to talk about it outside of the environment where the abuse happened, yet that environment is the one most likely to justify the abuse or make the abused their scapegoat claiming they lied or they brought it on themselves. This makes it nearly impossible for the abused to deal with the pain and find healing. When it is discovered that a religious leader has abused his power by mentally, verbally, physically, or sexually abusing someone in their care, how does a religious organization deal with the fallout? Too often, the answer has been to deny the incident happened. Some organizations might require two or three witnesses to confirm the accusations of sexual abuse from a religious leader, and if witnesses cannot be produced, then the incident is dropped, buried, and denied. For years, even the concept of religious abuse has not been given much consideration. We recognize that it has happened, but we often overlook it until we come into direct contact with it. Until it affects us, it is just one of those things. Unfortunately, the incidents are not going away, and there is a need to share our stories and find a way to help one another. Opening up to strangers is often easier than opening up to those who love and care about us, and this is especially true if our family and friends know and respect the religious leaders who take advantage of their members. In some situations, the victim is scoffed at and not believed. The situation that devastated us is made even darker and more devastating when the victim is silenced so that the religious leader is not discredited. This, in turn, can cause the victim to withdraw accusations and remain silent so that they don’t become the “evil” person who is trying to destroy a “good” man’s reputation with their lies. It is with careful consideration that these individuals must take a chance and come forward to set things straight. The place to start is in a group of people who can relate to what has happened, because they have a similar story of their own to share. Today’s instruction is specific to those who have experienced religious abuse and are searching for ways to deal with it. Consider who you choose to share the details with. If your family members love and respect the individual who hurt you, if they think he or she “walks on water,” then you might not want to make them your first choice. There are organizations that can help you, and Religious Recovery is just one of them, but we are here to help if we can. You might want to think outside the box and stay away from speaking to a religious leader of the same religious affiliation. They could be sympathetic to one of their own and not as sympathetic to your needs. STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Open our senses. When we open our lives to hear the Divine Voice, we most often think of an intellectual knowing or hearing. One aspect of religion that many enjoy and, perhaps, one of the things that makes religion enticing is the aspect of worship. There is the intellectual part that is often given in the verbal message by a religious leader, but there is also the emotional aspect that is found in music, ceremony, and the shared group experience. Let us not discount the emotional knowing of The Divine. There are many names for The Divine, but there are also many different feelings that lead us to believe, experience, and know Higher Power. Religions seem to specialize in this feeling aspect. I find myself moved by a baptismal service and by the thought that what was old can become new again, even if I might not completely agree with the theology. When we are often moved to tears of happiness produced by the beautiful climate of worship through song and traditions, we can find it difficult to leave a particular religion even though we may have experienced abuse. To say that we can experience The Divine through nature seems like a cliché, but the reminder is good for us. I find that through the sights and sounds of the earth and its inhabitants that I can find meaning and purpose. From the smallest of insects to the amazing variety of ocean creatures to the mammoth and fierce beasts of the wild, it seems that something greater than mortal man has set the world on fire with creativity that goes beyond what we are capable of in our current existence. When we allow The Divine to communicate with us through a multitude of voices, feelings, and experiences, we understand why there have been so many attempts to define and develop religious systems that honor The Divine and that strive to bring us into a deeper communication and even a relationship with the Great Mystery. Take a few moments to consider if your religious experience is satisfying your needs. Do you leave your experience with a greater feeling of love, peace, and forgiveness, or has your attendance begun to wane? What steps could you take to make the experience more meaningful? If you have been abused by the religion or the religious, can you remain and still enjoy worship? The only right answer here is the one that is true to you. STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Wait for balance. I worked for the United States Postal Service for 32 years, and the majority of that time I served as a letter carrier. Each morning, I would dress in postal blue before going to work. Blue had always been my favorite color, but after years of wearing blue shirts, blue pants, blue shorts, blue sweaters, blue coats, and blue hats, I was tired of the color blue. When I retired from the Post Office, I rarely bought or wore anything blue. After about four years of retirement, I rediscovered the color and realized I liked it once more. It was the imbalance that had pulled me away from it. After years of worshiping in one particular church denomination and after experiencing some religious abuse, I found it difficult to enter a church of that denomination or even one associated with their religious teachings. Many things balance themselves out if given enough time. As we wait for that balance to happen, we can use the time to discover new things. In the situation with my clothes, I discovered new colors, patterns, and styles. In the situation with religion, I discovered new names, descriptions, and ways of understanding The Divine. I don't regret my years of wearing postal blue or my years of worshiping in a particular way, but I am enjoying the variety and balance I've found. Today’s assignment is to consider your religious life to see if you have a balance of beliefs. You don’t necessarily have to discard a religion you are currently enjoying, but could you find balance by adding to the things you are learning. Some religions are more worship oriented while others might be more service oriented. A balance of both could bring more love, peace, and happiness. STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us. Instruction: Ignore the labels. Sometimes I enjoy shopping in thrift shops. I look for brand name clothes, and, at times, I find an article of clothing with the original price tag still attached indicating the article has evidently never been worn. I get excited when the item is my size and of a color and pattern I would wear. The greatest thrill, however, is when I look at the price tag and discover the item is listed for a fraction of its original cost. Of course, the more exclusive the brand, the higher the price will be. Sometimes, I allow the bargain to override my judgment, and I come home with clothing that I thought I would wear only to discover that I didn't really like the color or pattern enough to wear it regularly. I would be better off to ignore the brand names completely and shop based solely on what I know I like well enough to want to wear it. We have allowed the words that people use to define their Higher Power to brand That-Which-Is-Greater-Than-Self by their religious beliefs. Many of us have assigned a value judgment to those names. If we hear the word "Jehovah," we tend to give the name a Jewish brand. For the purposes of Religious Recovery, we chose the expression "The Divine" in an effort to find something neutral. Time will tell if we are successful. The unfortunate thing is that we often allow our judgment of the brand to determine the value we place on anything associated with the name used by that brand of religion. For instance, if I think poorly of Hinduism and hear something about the character of Vishnu, I might be prone to shrug off the information as useless. The same might be true of Islam and Allah or Christianity and God. If we could ignore the labels we associate with the names, we might discover useful information as to the character and nature of our Higher Power. If we could shed the prejudices we might have formed to each particular religion, we might find a closet full of beautiful religious colors and designs that describe our higher power in ways that fit who we are, in ways that are comfortable with our spirit, and in ways that help define us in warm, inviting, and radiant hues. Consider the ways we allow labels to help us make decisions on a daily basis. Some of that can be helpful, but when it comes to labeling religions and religious experiences, labels can often set us against an entire religious system that might be otherwise useful in our quest to find a deeper understanding of The Divine. Take a few moments today to consider your religious labels. Are you discounting whole groups of people simply because you’ve given them a label? One secret to contentment is to desire fewer things. When we struggle to keep everything thing our head wants, we end up with a lot of things. Then the problem is how to maintain, store, and use each to its fullest potential. When we don’t say no to every whim and wish, we end up with a cluttered life—and also a cluttered mind.
It’s not right or wrong to desire things, but the things we choose to desire determine the quality of our lives. If our desires never go beyond material things, then we live a shallow life. If our desires go beyond accumulating things for ourselves to helping those around us, our lives tend to be more satisfying. If our desires go beyond the material to the spiritual areas of life, we find our lives are full and meaningful. There is nothing wrong with wanting material possessions — for us or for others. It is good to want to live a more spiritually-centered life, but in all circumstances a balance can bring us the greatest joy. Having material things is neither good nor bad. Don’t feel guilty for having too much, or for too little, but remember, when we feel as if we have lost our joy, sometimes it helps to remember to desire less and to be content — and grateful — for what we have. STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Look for The Divine. By opening to the fact that The Divine has been revealed through a variety of names religious experiences all over the world, we can look for The Divine by examining the similarities in the names and in the religious beliefs. Some religions try not to give a name to that-which-is-beyond-understanding. Others seem to go to the other extreme and have multiple names, because they understand there isn’t one singular name that encompasses all the attributes of The Divine. In the Jewish tradition, it is said that Moses asked this higher power who he should tell the Israelite’s had sent him, and the answer given was simply, “I AM who I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”[1] The name is noncommittal, and it seems to say, “I exist. If you had any doubts, lay them to rest, because I AM.” One way to understand The Divine is to understand his creations. We could begin with human beings, because we are intricate and perplexing creatures. To define who we are it might be best to start by simply stating the obvious, “I exist, and because I exist, life has an infinite number of possibilities, including the existence of something greater than human beings.” Recognizing our existence and opening to the possibilities that something greater than us exists puts us onto a spiritual/religious journey to know ourselves and the reason we exist. Let us look for The Divine, and let’s not limit ourselves to the knowledge of only one religion or just one viewpoint. Today’s assignment is more of a suggestion. If you have never considered any other religious belief except the one you’ve known all your life, then our suggestion is that you consider spirituality from another perspective. Perhaps you could take a look into Native American spirituality through the eyes of an author who is familiar with their customs. Perhaps a book about the life of a famous spiritual leader from a different tradition would reveal new truths you have never considered. For those who have been exposed to other religions, why not consider looking at a new one you have yet to examine, or, perhaps take a fresh look at the religion you might have parted ways with. That suggestion is probably best for those who have healed from their past and are ready to look for nuggets of gold they might have abandoned or overlooked. [1] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=exodus+3%3A14&version=NIV STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Open to new possibilities. Imagine an alien spaceship landing on a spot of earth where four nations come together. Imagine each nation claiming ownership of one fourth of the spaceship. Also imagine that each nation refuses to allow the other nations to examine their portion of the spaceship. One year after studying the spaceship, each nation produces a report as to what a spaceship is and how it works. Each nation claims to have all the mysteries solved. But, how can their individual reports be accurate if they didn’t have the full picture? How can they know things about the vessel if they didn’t share their experiences? Suppose there is a divinity that encompasses the universe and has decided to make its presence known to mankind. Would that divinity decide to reveal itself to only one nation? It seems to make more sense that The Divine would reveal itself to anyone and everyone who wanted to connect with the world beyond the world, the beginning and end of life itself—if, in fact, there is an end. When religions tell us that their way is the only way, doesn’t it remind us of the nations that claimed their report of the spaceship was the “right” report, and the other nations were wrong. To me, it makes more sense to share our religious experiences, and instead of denouncing other paths to The Divine, open up to new possibilities of how The Divine has been revealed through a variety of religions, cultures, and experiences. Our assignment today is to open to the possibility that other religions might have a part of the bigger picture of who The Divine is. For some, that realization could mean that they will at least consider discarding their old belief that their way is the only way. That is a huge step, and some might not be ready, able, or willing to go that far. We honor that decision for them, and simply ask they honor the decision that each individual makes for his or her self. Some may agree with them, some may not. STEP FOUR CONTINUED: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Listen to what is not said. I have listened to hundreds of religious leaders and heard thousands of talks, sermons, and messages, but it was often the words that were not said that spoke the loudest. In my youth, I was more impressed with the passion of the speaker. At times, that passion seemed to be used to make a specific point and bring the listener to a certain undeniable conclusion. It wasn’t until I was older that I learned to enjoy quiet speakers more—those who didn’t see a need to shout their message but who laid it out with grace, love, and meaningful stories spoke to my heart and eventually inspired me to be a writer. Often, in the midst of those quiet talks, I heard the heart of the speaker louder than I heard the words coming from her or his mouth. I am not surprised to find that The Divine speaks in the silence and moves in the stillness. What surprises me, at times, is the things I hear religious people claim The Divine has spoken. Some of what they claim to be divinely inspired, words given specifically to them, seem far from the truth. Perhaps those individuals believe they need to speak more and say it louder to get their point across, and if need be, they will bring on a fountain of tears. An example a member of one of my Religious Recovery groups shared with me, and used with her permission, is that she comes from a religious tradition in which people will say God inspired them to share political “truths” about a candidate in order to persuade their listeners to vote a certain way, but with a little bit of research their “truths” were easily proven to be false. Susan B. Anthony is reported to have said, “I distrust those people who know so well what God wnts because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.” For those of us who have experienced religious abuse, it is a breath of cleansing, purifying air to know that The Divine can be known in various ways, in a variety of cultures, and also in simply being with our own thoughts. One of my favorite quotes from the Christian tradition says simply this, “Be still and know that I am God.” Find a few moments in today’s schedule to be still and ask The Divine to reveal something new to you. Listen attentively throughout the day, and if nothing seems to come to mind, try again tomorrow, and tomorrow. Stillness is not natural for many people. STEP FOUR: Accept that this Higher Power is understood in different ways and by different names in various religions and cultures, and open our lives to hearing the Divine Voice in any way it chooses to communicate to us.
Instruction: Embrace other views. Here we assume that the reader believes in a universal force or power that drives the universe[1]. The Christian religion calls that higher power “God,” but other religions use other names. One major problem with differing religions is that they often don’t recognize that no matter what that Higher Power is called, it is the same Divinity. I have learned much about the nature of The Divine by reading from other religious traditions. I enjoy many insights from the Buddhist and Native-American traditions. In fact, Native Americans have many names for the Creator, because they believe that no singular name encompasses all of the qualities and characteristics of The Divine. I have seen the name “Wakan Tanka” used in their writing, and that expression means Sacred Spirit. Other expressions for The Divine include Great Spirit, or simply Spirit, Grandfather, and the Great Mystery. The names vary and are used interchangeably from age to age and from tribe to tribe. It is important to understand that the names all work together to give us a fuller understanding of this Great Mystery. Some religious traditions have a more philosophical understanding of God. This adds a further dimension and opens us intellectually as well as emotionally. Often, when we seek answers to the questions of pain, suffering, and death, it is not necessarily a Christian understanding, a Buddhist understanding, or a Muslim understanding that brings peace or hope. Sometimes those answers come as a combination of all or from another source entirely. When we open our lives to see The Divine in a variety of religions and nations, we find answers can come from anywhere and from anyone. We are no longer limited to one religious point of view, but we can learn from all of them. Today, consider the differing the names we find for The Divine. Notice how each one adds another layer of understanding to our perception of our Higher Power. [1] Some spiritual people, such as Hindus and pagans, believe in more than one god, but for the sake of simplicity, we use the singular while still recognizing differing names and descriptions of “Higher Power.” STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Be still and know. Why is it that some people seem to have given over their spiritual path to a religious organization or a religious leader and don’t seem to comprehend what it means to have a spiritual path of their own? Those who have given up seeking their spiritual path open themselves to a variety or religious abuses. Those who know the difference and can easily separate religious teachings from spiritual truth will not be lead astray into “Jim Jones” type experiences. When we settle into stillness and listen to the voice that speaks truth, we will find that our ability to discern increases. Not only will we be able to stay the course, but we will also be able to help others, if they express a desire for our help, who have wondered off their own course. I once heard someone use the expression, “the pastor is not the Master.” Step Three reminds us that if we have put too much faith in a religious institution or a religious leader, it behooves us to step back and make sure we are not giving up spiritual control of our lives. The name we assign to The Divine is not important, as long as we don’t confuse That-Which-Is-Greater-Than-Self with a human being. At some point, most religious institutions will fail us because they are made up of people, just like us, with all the misgivings that are prone to our species. If we would be strong and fearless, we must recognize that, as Jesus worded it, the kingdom of heaven is within us. There can be great benefits to having a spiritual or religious guide or tutor as long as we don’t make the “pastor our master.” We are spiritual beings, and if we decide to turn our lives over to anyone or anything, shouldn’t it be turned over to that which created us, loves us, and sustains us? Take a moment to look at your religious and spiritual direction. Are you in control, or is someone else providing the bulk of your religious and spiritual guidance? No matter how wonderful that person is, they are not in charge of your path. You are. STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Recognize spirituality happens now. Part of what religious individuals do to experience religion is go to a building designated as a church, synagogue, or other place of worship. When the experience is over and they leave, the experience often ends there and no affect carries over into their daily lives. That is unfortunate, because we can be religious, and perhaps should be religious, all through the day. On the other hand, spirituality is not just something we do. It is something we are, and it happens now, this moment, and in every moment of our lives. We are not becoming spiritual beings, because we already are spiritual beings. Imagine an immigrant who wants to be an American as opposed to someone who was born in America. One is trying to be what the other is by birth. We weren’t born as religious individuals, but we were born as spiritual individuals, because our very existence requires more than the coming together of flesh and bone. It requires a miracle, a mystery, and an imparting of something that we cannot create or reproduce—a spirit. When we say we are turning our lives over to that which is greater than ourselves, we are merely recognizing that we are merely giving back to Divine Spirit what was given to us. We are recognizing that by working together, we function fully and live happier, healthier, and more satisfying lives. Consider the difference between being born a spiritual person versus being born into a religious environment. At birth, many people were assigned a religion. They had no choice. Ask yourself this question: “If I had not been assigned a religion at birth and my guardians had presented different religions without prejudice, what religion would I have chosen?” STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: See spirituality in everything. When we are in church, we are being religious and doing religious things. That’s all well and good, but, too often, that experience is over when the service is over. Spirituality doesn’t begin and end in a specific time frame. All of life is sacred and spiritual. We are often most spiritual when we are in nature. A walk in the woods, a climb up a mountain, kneeling by a babbling brook, and watching the animals are all spiritual activities. Other key spiritual times in our lives include the beginning of a life and the end of a life. Weddings can be and usually are spiritual times as well all forms of commitment from one person to another. Parenting presents countless spiritual opportunities. Think about the ways activities and events in life encourage the spiritual and give us a sense of gentleness and joy. Perhaps part of the problem with organized religion is just the fact that it is organized. We plan for the presence of The Divine in our services but often fail to remember that there is no need for preparation. The Divine is with us always, and all moments of life are sacred. I have been in church services where something out of the ordinary seemed to occur, and we somehow felt the presence of The Divine more intensely. I cherish those moments and greatly anticipate them, but I also want to remember that we can have those “ah-ha” moments, sometimes called euphoria, in the everyday trappings of our lives. We can enjoy religious experiences but not be limited by them. As we come to recognize more and more what it means to be a spiritual being, we can enjoy, explore, and relish every aspect of our spiritual nature. Take a moment today to set aside time to have a spiritual encounter that doesn’t involve a formal religious tradition. Invite The Divine to show up in your life at an unexpected time, and in an unexpected way. It is important to feel all of our emotions, but it is also important to release them, too. Not just the negative ones, but at times we can also hold onto positive emotions long after they have served their purpose. One example of this entails the high school football star who relives his glory days. Or, a beauty queen who relives those moments when the world admired her for her beauty and poise.
Dwelling in the past prevents us from living fully in the present. The past also taints our future, especially when we make comparisons. Nothing in the past was ever as great or as bad as we remember. It simply was. We can make it a shrine or a prison, or we can simply catalog it and move on without giving it any intrinsic value other than the emotions we felt at the time. Fortunately, we have the ability to discard our emotions. This may be difficult for those who have spent years dwelling in the past, or planning for a future based upon the events of the past. The simplest way to begin is to start focusing on the present moment. Not tomorrow, or an hour from now, or even in five minutes. Focus on this second. Grab this moment in time and choose what you will make of it. STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Explore the journey. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.[1] - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin A large number of people have turned their lives over not to the care of a higher power but to the care of a religious leader. Many are impressed by the charisma that springs from a religious leader’s rhetoric and personality. If that leader is moral and loving, they will not abuse the power that has been given them but, in some cases, that power is used for personal gain. When that happens, lives are damaged and people are left without a religious or even a spiritual foundation to stand upon. Those who have recognized that their spiritual journey is not dependent upon a religious leader and who have established spiritual boundaries will not be shaken when a leader falls from popularity due to scandal or disgrace. Instead of turning their spiritual journey over to a religion or a specific religious leader, they have understood their responsibility is to take control of their spiritual journey, and they have turned over the care and guidance to The Divine. They have learned ways to discern when religion and spirituality conflict, and they make the choice to go with the dictates of love and forgiveness. This spiritual journey can easily be combined with a religious path, too, and many people enjoy the benefits of both. We can enjoy the spiritual journey and recognize spiritual insights and truths that come from The Divine without allowing religion or the religious to restrict the ways in which The Divine reveals love and light to us. Take a survey of your life today to see if you have, in the past or currently in the present, become too dependent upon the teachings of one particular person or one religious organization. If someone else is making all your spiritual decisions for you, consider whether this is helping you or harming you. If it is helping you, is there potential for harm to come at a later time, and are you prepared to handle it if it does? [1] http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/pierreteil160888.html#hL48vcZBXQcaE1Yx.99 STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Accept the divine in others. If we can see the divinity within ourselves, the next step is to see the divinity within everyone we meet. That doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes, get angry, or do things we later regret. It means that on some level, even though it might be hard to see and accept, everyone was created by The Divine and has at least a spark of the Spirit that breathes life into all of existence. The more we recognize we are as The Divine created us, and so is everyone else, the more we will bring forgiveness, peace, love, and joy to ourselves and to the world. This lesson, when fully accepted, will change our lives. It will help us comprehend that everyone and everything is intended to bless us with happiness and love. It will help us recognize everyone we meet can be our dearest friend. In the movie “The Sixth Sense,” the character Cole Sear played by Haley Joel Osment says that he sees dead people only they don’t know they’re dead. The truth is, everyone we meet, and that includes ourselves, is a spiritual being, but we don’t know we all are spiritual beings, because we fail to see past the physical to the spirit of the Creator that lies within. When we accept the truth, our vision will follow. If I fail to see the spirit of The Divine in you, I am doing you, and myself, a disservice. Instead of seeing dead people, let us look for the Spirit of The Divine in everyone we see, even if they don’t recognize it within themselves. Today’s assignment is to try to see The Divine in people you come into contact with. As you allow this new way of “seeing,” let your heart open and allow love to flow through you to them. You don’t have to get involved in their life, or allow them to become involved in your life unless you feel a strong prompting to do so, and your heart and head urge you to take positive action. STEP THREE CONTINUED: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Accept the divine within. Some might balk at the idea that we are a part of divinity, but if we are spiritual beings, then the Spirit that gives us life must have come from somewhere. We can choose to view our lives as if we are half-empty glasses or half-full glasses. We can see our mistakes and “sins” as something that separates us from divinity and one another, or we can see that we are as The Divine created us—which includes our so-called blemishes and sins, and keep in mind that the definition of sin is simply a missing of the mark, or simply a mistake. The Christian tradition states that we were created in the image of God. Nowhere does it state that we were uncreated in God’s image after things went “wrong” in the Garden of Eden. I don’t see us getting around the fact that we are spiritual beings first and foremost. The physical aspect of our lives ends with death, but the spirit is not dependent upon the body. Religions may disagree on where the spirit goes upon death, but most agree that death is not the end of the spirit. By remembering that we are spiritual beings, it becomes easier to separate our spiritual journey from religion. Most people are born into a specific set of religious beliefs, and those beliefs become so entwined in their lives that many people can’t imagine a different way to believe. Wouldn’t it be better for us to study different religions and pick the one that we think fits us best? Perhaps that is too idealistic and impractical, but imagine someone who was never exposed to religious beliefs. Would they not still feel a connection to something greater than themselves? Would they not see a Higher Power in the sky, in the trees, and in all of nature? Would they not see it in the animals? Would they not see it in one another? We are spiritual beings. Religion can add to that knowledge so we have a better appreciation of who we are and why we are here, or it can diminish the importance of who we are and our uniqueness in the universe. For today, ask yourself if there is a particular way you want The Divine to be involved in your life. Ask The Divine to be in that part of your life and then look for the subtle signs. STEP THREE: Recognize that we are spiritual beings and decide to turn our lives over to “that which is greater than self” referred to in these steps as “The Divine.”
Instruction: Recognize the spiritual. Atheists and agnostics might struggle with this Step, but for most people this is a simple acceptance of who we are. Without the spirit, we would not be different than rocks or trees, for it is Spirit or Consciousness that makes us self-aware. It is the spiritual aspect of our beings that makes us different and gives us pause to think there is something more to this life than a few years of physical existence followed by eternal death. For some, it is a leap to go from being a spiritual being to accepting there is a Higher Power that rules the universe. If there is Something or Someone who has set the wheels of our existence into motion and is somehow interested and involved in our lives, wouldn’t it make sense to want to know who that is and what that Great Mystery wants from us—if anything? Religions have tried to name it and define it, but, ultimately, the names fall short and the definitions don’t always agree. Nevertheless, once we accept a Higher Power, it doesn’t seem like much of a leap to go from acceptance to wanting that divine being to be involved with our lives. When we recognize the spiritual aspect of our nature, then we begin to see more than chaos in the universe and in our lives. Today’s assignment is to ask yourself this question: “Is there is a specific way I want The Divine to be involved in my life?” If the answer is “yes,” then ask The Divine to be involved in that area and then look for the subtle signs of divine presence. STEP TWO CONTINUED: Come to believe that The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can heal us from our hurts.
Instruction: Determine your beliefs. We have considered that The Divine has no religion and is greater than religion. What about our beliefs about The Divine? How do we establish which religion has the best set of beliefs? Is there one set that is better than the others, or is there a set of beliefs that seems to incorporate all the others? Is there a way to simplify and unify the beliefs of all, or at least of some, of the religions we are familiar with? Once we decide upon a religious affiliation, are we then locked into the beliefs that they teach and claim to adhere to? The Dalai Lama has said, “My Religion is simple; My Religion is kindness.”[1] If we were to ask Jesus, Buddha, or Muhammed what their religion was, I imagine they would give us a similar answer. In fact, the Christian Bible states: “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.”[2] That seems so simple compared to all the rules and regulations that most religions try to enforce on their followers. Be kind. Take care of the widows and orphans, and, basically, behave yourself. Each individual has free will choice, and we must decide what is important. Kindness seems to be a wonderful, all-encompassing definition of what religion should be. It includes the ideas of love, tenderness, respect, compassion, and taking care of those in need. Something else that needs to be included is our responsibility to take care of ourselves, too, and knowing when our personal needs come before those who might try to take advantage of our kindness. If we choose to be associated with a religion, determining our beliefs first before deciding upon a religion seems like a reasonable and responsible thing to do. For today, consider what your core beliefs are. Do they include kindness, love, generosity, and respect for others and yourself? Is there a group of people that your religion condemns? If so, how does that make you feel? What does your heart say? [1] Young, Christopher (2012-04-12). Buddha Quotes - 365 Days of Inspirational Quotes and Sayings in Buddhism (Kindle Locations 803-804). . Kindle Edition. [2] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+1%3A27&version=NASB STEP TWO CONTINUED: Come to believe that The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can heal us from our hurts. Instruction: Release the beliefs. Some of the beliefs that we might want to release include the following:
Today’s assignment is to release an old belief or religious doctrine that your heart tells you is not of love. In addition, be kind to at least one person and also to yourself. STEP TWO CONTINUED: Come to believe that The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can heal us from our hurts. Instruction: Release the past. When wounds are fresh, it is difficult to forgive and let go of the pain we suffered, but this is the goal we eventually hope to achieve. Some will not be ready to release the past at this point in their recovery, but we introduce it now to let us know that this is our eventual destination and the course we are setting. If we were to accidentally cut ourselves, we would think only of stopping the bleeding and alleviating any pain we might be experiencing. We would not blame the sharp object for inflicting pain and injury, and we would be able to perceive a time when our pain would end and our healing would be complete. We might be left with a scar, but that would serve to remind us to avoid the situation that created the injury. We would learn a lesson and put it behind us. It is this detached frame of mind that will help us to overcome religious injuries. We can view those who hurt us as sharp instruments that can cause injury if we are not careful, and we can learn to recognize their characteristics so we can avoid future injuries. Eventually, we could even perceive them in a neutral light—as someone who tried to help but who didn’t know the harm they were creating or as someone who simply couldn’t help themselves. This is the beginning of release, forgiveness, and the path to healing. For today, consider the possibility of releasing the past. If you feel you are not able to do that just yet, then perhaps begin by asking your Higher Power to bring you to a place where you want to release the past and move forward. Changing your desire is often a huge step in the right direction. I’ve been writing for more than three decades, but have never been able to claim it as my sole source of income. For 32 years I worked as a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service. There was a time when my writing was marginally successful and I considered giving up my fulltime salary to become a fulltime writer. I chose not to, however, and looking back, I’m glad I didn’t quit my day job.
During those days of delivering mail, I often longed for a day when I could write fulltime. I didn’t understand the idea of impermanence, and it felt as if I would never retire. I’m happy to report that retirement finally came, and I was able to move on and become a fulltime writer. Only, I didn’t. The thing that I thought I wanted for all those years, when it was finally within my grasp, I no longer graved it. I took five years off from my writing and then started once more. Nothing is permanent. I also know that there will probably come a day when I feel as if I’ve written everything I have to say and there is no more. I’m happy to say I chose to enjoy my years at the Post Office as best as I could. Dreams are wonderful. But, they can change. Don’t forget to appreciate the work at hand. STEP TWO CONTINUED: Come to believe that The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can heal us from our hurts.
Instruction: Accept healing. Giving mental assent to the belief that The Divine can heal us from our hurts is easy. Allowing that healing to take place can prove to be more challenging. Once we separate spirituality and religion, we can come to recognize that what we were taught about the character of The Divine might not be accurate. Once we realize that fact, we can also recognize that the hurts we received were not inflicted by The Divine but by religious beliefs about The Divine. In other words, it was not The Divine who hurt us, but either a man-made set of rules or a religious person who was probably overly zealous in his or her beliefs and felt it necessary to enforce and inflict them onto others. Now we can understand that God is not our enemy and was not to blame for the abuse that was done to us. Often it was not our behavior that was wrong but was some zealous religious society or religious fanatic that misinterpreted what we did and our motivations for doing it that is at fault for our hurts and abuses. It is important in this Step to understand that The Divine was not to blame, but The Divine can heal us from our hurts. Today’s assignment is to accept the healing that The Divine offers. If you feel a need to forgive yourself, to forgive someone else, or seek forgiveness from someone else before you can accept healing, then move forward in that direction. STEP TWO CONTINUED: Come to believe that The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can heal us from our hurts.
Instruction: Look for coincidences. One of the main points in Step Two is to understand that The Divine can, and will, heal us from our hurts. For those who find it difficult to hear the voice of The Divine, a little help comes in handy. Coincidences, or another term is synchronicities, are like the gentle voice of The Divine trying to wake us up. We need to pay attention when these things occur. If we are prone to making “wrong” choices, and we’re particularly speaking of religious choices now, then how do we let our Higher Power guide us? This is especially important if our request for direction is merely a request for confirmation of our decisions instead of opening up to say, I don’t know what to decide, please lead me in the way I should go. When we are ready to let the Universe help us find our way, most of the time that guidance will not be a voice thundering down from the sky. It will, instead, be little signs and signals that tell us this is a good way to go. Trouble can come when the ego gets involved and has us question whether we really are seeing the handiwork of a Higher Power working in our lives. These answers might not come right away, and we might go through a lot of trial and error until we learn to pay attention to the synchronistic events taking place before us. But, we will become increasingly more aware as long as we continue to do the work and therefore will escape repeated religious abuse faster each time until we are free. As you go about your daily life today, pay attention to the world around you. Notice the little things, the little indications that might otherwise go unnoticed. Could the synchronicities we discover be more than just coincidences? When we look, listen, and pay attention, we will find guidance. |
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Religious RecoveryOur purpose is to help individuals to heal who have been injured by religion or the religious. We welcome your comments and questions. Archives
December 2018
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