STONE FIVE
 
Connect: Not only will I try to discern through mental activity, but I will also discern by connecting with The Divine through prayer, meditation, and contemplation.
Instruction: “Use the force.”
The expression, “Use the force,” from the popular movie series, Star Wars, is used here as an illustration to put into practical use the concepts revealed in Stones One through Four. Not only is Luke Skywalker encouraged to use the force, but he is given physical and mental training exercises to apply what he has been taught. In one scene, he is instructed to close his eyes and trust his internal guidance — his instincts — to determine how and when to move his lightsaber to block enemy attacks. His efforts prove less than stellar, but he continues his exercises even though frustrated and convinced he will never learn to master the force.

On our spiritual journey, the safest way to travel is to connect to our spiritual force, which, for the purposes of this work, we have chosen to call The Divine. The weapons of our connection, protection, and direction are three lightsabers we call prayer, meditation, and contemplation. If practiced and put into use, these will allow us to connect with The Divine and allow the Force of Love to flow through us to change the world within us and around us. As Luke was encouraged to close his eyes so that he wouldn’t put his faith in what he could see, so too are we encouraged to close our physical eyes so that the eyes of our souls may be used to help our spiritual vision. Our physical world is interpreted by our core senses and past experiences, but if we could connect to the force of Love that lies within us and is available to us, we would move into a deeper realm of peace, love, acceptance, and understanding that our hearts long to experience and maintain. Use the force of Love. Trust that every decision made from a heart of love, no matter what unfolds before our eyes, will be the right decision.

Today’s Assignment is to practice meditation and contemplation. Most people are familiar with the concept of prayer and most are comfortable with prayer, at least to some degree. If, however, you are not as comfortable with meditation and contemplation, take some time today to consider adding these two exercises, much like the physical exercises Luke Skywalker employed, to your daily spiritual routine.

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: Trust Love.

Truth is flexible. What we believe to be true today, we might disagree with tomorrow. Easy examples come to mind such as “It’s a disgrace for women to expose their head,” or “The earth is flat,” or “If I don’t attend church, I will go to a place of eternal damnation.” People even disagree on what is an absolute truth. If we were to ask different religions to tell us what they believe was absolute truth, there might be a few that seem to appear in the majority of religions. Those would be good ones to concentrate on. Once we move past those few, we might be amazed by the various things religions teach as truth. In some of the examples above, some religions might hold at least two of those statements as absolute truth. If we find it problematic to establish what absolute truth is, how do we find our way in a world that seems to have no foundation? Perhaps we should look at the few things that religions do have in common, and the first one appears to be the principle of Love. Many religions hold that The Divine is Love — that we were created in Love and that we will return to Love. From that point on the divisions begin as different religions define what Divine Love looks like in human words.

Applying the concept of Love to Stone Four, we understand that in our decision-making — our discernment — we can get a better grasp on the concept of “what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time,” because we are able to apply the absolute truth of Love in any given situation and use it as a measuring stick. There is still a measure of uncertainty at times, because of our inability to determine the intentions of other people. We understand the feeling that some things might not seem to resonate with us, because we are unable to sense Love in the situation. There are other times when the opposite is true. Some religious leaders have become good at giving off the appearance of Love, and we can be taken in, only to discover at a later time that the leader and/or the organization no longer resonate with us. Perhaps we have seen behind the curtain and seen the organization and its leader(s) as simply people pulling strings, pressing buttons, and moving levers. Perhaps we begin to see this, because our recovery is helping us to move away from the familiar. In situations such as this, it is always important to examine our own hearts as well and look to discover if we have placed too much faith in the guidance of others instead of trusting our own ability to find and follow our own spiritual path.

Today’s Assignment is to examine your life to see if there are religious or nonreligious situations in which you are uncomfortable. Try to discern the source of the uncomfortable feelings. Does it have anything to do with someone who is not acting out of love, respect, or kindness? What steps can you take to improve the situation?

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: Be careful of the familiar.

It is easy to fall back into old habits, because we tend to like what we are familiar with and most people don’t like change. If we leave a religious institution that hurt, disappointed, or abused us, we must be careful before deciding on a new organization. Liking the familiar and not liking change is probably the main reason people remain in one particular world religion. We don’t see people flooding from Buddhism to Christianity or from Hinduism to Judaism. What we do find is that people move within their chosen, or inherited, world religion. Part of the reason is based on our culture and circle of friends. Someone might ask, “How would so-and-so react if I told them I have decided to convert to Confucianism?” Peer pressure plays a part in how we decide what we will explore and what we won’t, but it shouldn’t.

If we think of a nation’s religion as water that flows through its hills and valleys and how that water of religious belief comes together to form rivers and lakes, we can get an image of how religion forms a torrent of belief that, if not careful, can carry away everything in its path. Few people want to go against the tide and try to believe differently, but when we stop to consider what happens to all that water of belief, it eventually is absorbed into the earth to water and make things grow or is carried to the ocean where it joins with other bodies of beliefs. We can call one ocean the Atlantic and another the Pacific, but the water has no borders where one ends and the other begins. It is the same. When time has ended, I have no doubt that all religious belief was endeavoring to bring us all to the same destination. Just because something is unfamiliar, it doesn’t make it bad or evil. Those determinations can be made by each individual after they have determined if the message resonates with them — and by resonating we’re not just talking about it being familiar, but does it resonate with what they believe is the highest and best that spirituality and religion has to offer.

Today’s Assignment is to consider what it means for something to resonate with you. Do those who believe they are evil tend to resonate with evil? Do those who believe Love is the highest and best in humanity resonate with the power of Love? Most, if not all, spiritual ideals can be distorted — even Love. Are you able to discern when even Love is used as a force to manipulate and control you?

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: Be open to the results.

Sometimes we try things and think, Well, that didn’t go so well. We might be prone to give up at that point and try something else. There is nothing wrong with that, but, sometimes, if we would just give it a few more tries, we might be surprised. We understand that trying to put a square peg in a round hole can be a waste of effort, but not everything is as black and white as that analogy. If our initial results felt disastrous, we might wait a long time before giving it another attempt, but leaving the door open to the possibility that we might try again helps us to keep an open mind about life. Perhaps a date went horribly wrong even though you thought that individual could be your true love. Perhaps it was the Universe nudging you to say, “This one is not for you,” or, perhaps, you both came with unrealistic expectations. Maybe a second attempt might play out more favorably. Much of life is about taking a chance and sticking our necks out. We don’t want to come across as foolish or be made fun of, so our attempts at times can be tenuous. For others who care less about what people think, their forward approach might be off-putting to some. Sometimes, we can lose a relationship because we are not comfortable with the initial impression a person makes.

Our illustrations can also be applied to the spiritual/religious realm. Some people are attracted to flamboyant personalities. When someone with a quieter, perhaps even meager, personality comes along, they might not think much of who they are or what they have to say, but sometimes those who speak the softest can have deep spiritual insights. As we learn to accept and embrace different personalities, we can discover that each has something to offer us. Some might challenge us and test the limits of our patience, but patience grows as it is stretched. When we find things that work for us, that is a wonderful feeling and a help to us on our spiritual journey, but discounting something as meaningless without ever giving it a second or third chance might cause us to miss out on a grand experience.

Today’s Assignment is similar to what we suggested yesterday (Day 116) and that is to consider things you might have wanted to do or experience but gave up on after a few attempts. Using your abilities to discern, look at experiences that draw you to them and “give them a go.” Allow this assignment to include the physical, mental, and spiritual aspect of your life.

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: Be open to another try.

If you give up on the experience of riding a bicycle because the first time you tried you failed, then you deny yourself the pleasure that comes from riding down a country road with the wind at your back, a song in your heart, and a smile on your face. There are spiritual practices you might have tried and given up on after a few attempts, or maybe after only one try. Just like riding a bicycle, had you continued trying, who knows what wonderful experiences you might have encountered. Stone Five isn’t about perseverance as much as it is about listening to our gut instincts. We do, however, need to separate our fear from our discernment and be willing to take a chance when our gut is telling us the risk will be worth it. Returning to our bicycle illustration, you might have been afraid of falling and scratching your arms and legs. You might even be afraid of breaking a body part, but when you watch those who know how to ride, you might want to experience the fun they are having.

There is a practice called auto-writing in which we are instructed to take a blank piece of paper, close our eyes and our minds, and write whatever comes to us. The first time I tried this exercise, I wrote nothing but gibberish. I was taking a class at the time, and I was embarrassed to have to tell the leader that I, who had written and published books, had failed to produce a single understandable sentence. I felt as if a voice was saying to me, “It isn’t time.” I had not written anything of note for about four years, and I was fine with that. I thought my writing life was over, and I had written all I had to say. About two months later, I sat down at the keyboard and decided I wanted to write. I wrote a little every day, and two months later I had the first draft of my next book. Was it auto-writing that worked for me? I don’t think so, at least not in the sense that I expected. What I found was that I had developed a spiritual connection to a degree that my words were not just my words, but I was receiving help from some Higher Source of inspiration. My point is that auto-writing didn’t resonate with me at the time, but I remained open to trying it again, or something similar, at a later time. I was fortunate to be able to discern what didn’t work for me, but also lucky that I was open to trying it again later.

Today’s Assignment is to ask yourself if there are things in your life that you have been afraid to try even though you think the experience would be enjoyable. Or, are there things that you tried once or maybe even a few times, and you just didn’t seem to get the hang of? What about spiritual practices? Have you tried and given up on meditation, fasting, or memorizing portions of literature that have power to transform your life? Maybe it’s time to try again. You might be ready for it this time.

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: Weigh the evidence.

Many times, we make decisions based on trial and error, and that is a perfectly acceptable way to do things. Perhaps every decision comes down to a form of trial and error, but often the trial is based on minimal examination and sometimes it’s based on an extensive evaluation of the possible outcomes. What if our decision making was more in line with trial and success instead of trial and error? Wouldn’t life be easier? No one has a surefire way to make successful decisions one hundred percent of the time, but with discernment, we can improve our odds of success and avoid many errors. Discernment is the ability to decide what is good for us and what is not and what will further our spiritual path and what will hinder it. When we give our spiritual power to a religious/spiritual leader, we risk losing, or at least reducing, our ability to make wise choices. The opposite is also true. The more we retain our power to plot our spiritual course, the more we will develop the practice of discernment and make wise spiritual and religious decisions.

Knowing what religious organization we want to become involved with is an issue for many people. After a couple marries and has children, the decision of where to train them in religious teaching can become a point of contention, especially if their parents come from different religious backgrounds. This can be amplified when those two religious affiliations are diametrically opposed to one another. Some might judge and say they should never have married in the first place, but that says to me their religious beliefs are more important than love. I have a problem with anything manmade being more important than something I believe to be of the highest importance. In fact, one of the most important questions to consider when discerning what course of action we should take is which decision will make us more loving individuals and which one will have the opposite effect. We should always follow the path that leads to the most love, peace, and happiness.

Today’s Assignment is to consider the idea that some religions suggest their members should not marry outside their faith. If they are Catholic, they should marry a Catholic. A Baptist, a Baptist, a Jew, a Jew. A Buddhist, a Buddhist. In many families this is a serious issue, and to defy the teachings of their religious organization can have serious consequences. Many have broken the racial barrier that would tell us a white man should not marry a black woman, or a white woman should not marry a black man, and yet they might still hold to the belief we should not marry “outside of the church.” Take a moment to discern what is more important — the teachings of a religious organization or love.

STONE FOUR CONTINUED
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.

Instruction: You decide.

I like Stone Four, because it puts the responsibility for my spiritual path into my hands, into my discernment, and into my ability to connect with my inner guidance system. I trust myself, and I trust those who are committed to finding their own path through their connection with The Divine. I don’t always trust decisions that others might try to make on my behalf. They can’t know my reasoning, my heart, or the thoughts going through my mind. I have to remember this when I am trying to help someone heal from religious abuse. I believe my connection with The Divine is strong, but I can’t always be certain that what I’m hearing is from Spirit and not from my ego. I’m working on this, and I believe it’s getting better. I don’t want to push people in the wrong direction or give advice they are not ready to hear or might not be meant for them. A problem that sometimes arises with religious organizations is that they believe what they believe is true for everyone, and that isn’t always true.

Some religious organizations have sent out missionaries to convert the “heathen” and have spent a lot of time concerned about how those “heathens” dress as opposed to how they behave. What is true for those in one country might not be true for another. In America, we believe it is proper for a woman in public to cover her breasts. In some countries, this is not their truth, and they see no harm in women exposing their breasts. Who is right and who is wrong is not a moral issue but a cultural issue. Should a woman visiting a country where the women are comfortable with exposed breasts continue to cover or breasts or should she try to blend in with the culture? For me, the answer is in the ability to discern what is best for the individual, and I am comfortable with either decision. If I were a woman, I might try on both to determine which one I was more comfortable with. Many of our spiritual decisions can be made with the same level of nonattachment. As long as it’s not a moral issue, we try on one thing and see if we are comfortable with it, and if not, we can try something else. We can always revisit the decision later. I believe there are a lot of rules and regulations in religion that are not moral issues but social issues. For these, we are certainly capable of deciding for ourselves what works for us and what does not.

Today’s Assignment is to consider beliefs you might have been taught were religious standards but are not accepted as standards in other religions or cultures. Examine the proof or explanation provided by a religious organization to determine if it makes sense to you. You can accept some customs without rebelling if those customs do you no harm, but knowing they are customs you decide to accept and not customs that are based on morality allows you to discern and take responsibility for your decisions and your spiritual journey.

STONE FOUR
 
Discern: It is my responsibility to discern what works for me and what does not, always remembering that what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time.
​
Instruction: Put it together.

Stone Four is a culmination of the first three Stones and pulls all three together. It brings us back to Stone One which encourages us to be responsible for our own spiritual path, and then goes a bit further by adding that it is our discernment or our intuition, as some might call it, we trust to help us find our path. Stone Two encourages us to become open to new spiritual wisdom and insights and to allow for new spiritual knowledge to be presented to us. This is done with an open mind and heart. Stone Three brings a bit of caution to the mix in that we do not have to accept every bit of spiritual or religious information without questioning its truthfulness, validity, and the motivations behind it. Stone Four then gives us the responsibility of making the final decision based on discernment, intuition, and a bit of trial and error. Trial and error is part of what is meant by the concept that “ … what may not resonate with me today may resonate at another time,” which gives us the liberty to try something and see if it fits our needs.

These four Stones have given us a wonderful plan for spiritual experimentation and growth. Just like many other things in life that we take for granted, our spiritual walk is our responsibility, and we can have fun while discovering new ways to connect with The Divine and new ways to understand concepts that may have become mundane to us. Imagine someone who has taken up the hobby of flying radio controlled planes. At first, he (or she) might not be able to understand all the language and concepts, because it all seems foreign. So, he buys a plane, studies the manual, and learns how to fly. After a while, the flying experience becomes mundane. He takes the plane up, flies it around the field a few times, and then lands it. One day another pilot comes along who has a plane that is the same make and model that he has been flying for months. When the new pilot flies the plane, he has it doing loops, rolls, inverted flying, and other maneuvers that the first pilot had never seen before. Then, the new pilot pulls out another plane that does 3D maneuvers that are far beyond the expertise of the first pilot.

Pilot one can’t jump from his beginner level to that of an advanced flier in a matter of minutes. He will have to learn through trial and error, but his world of radio-controlled flying has been exposed to insights and information he didn’t previously have, and now he can blaze new trails through the sky. On our spiritual quest, it wouldn’t hurt to expose ourselves to new ideas and concepts that can make us into spiritual beings of Light, capable of doing spiritual acrobatics the likes of which many have never seen.

Today’s Assignment is to think about the first four Stones and how they work together. Give some thought to discernment and what it means to make decisions based on what your personal likes and dislikes are. Also, give some thought to the idea that although things might not resonate with you today, they might at a later time.

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Question your own motives.

It’s common for us to think that our own path and ideas are good, worthwhile and perfect, but by focusing excessively on this, we subconsciously put other paths and ideas down.[1] -Lama Thubten Yeshe

I can relate to what is being said in these works from Lama Yeshe. There is often the temptation to think that others should follow the path that I have followed, and yet when I think about what that means, I wouldn’t wish that upon someone else. Some days have been wonderful, but it wasn’t always like that, and I recall some nights when it seemed the sun would never rise, nor did I want it to. Having come from a place of darkness to a place where it seems I have more Light than I ever thought possible, I want others to know that experience. I quickly remind myself that everyone has their own road to walk. I might be able to share their journey for a time, but it would be wrong of me to try to pull them off their road (if that’s even possible) and place them on mine. In addition, having broken free from what I consider an abusive religious experience, it is tempting to “put down” or think poorly of that religious path. At times I have succumbed to that temptation, but I know that it is not healthy. It is not for me to judge them. I have every right to discern they are not good for me, but I must move on without placing myself above them. I can discern repeated harmful behavior as well, but I choose not to judge their overall religious beliefs.

I also know there are times when good things can happen even when we have poor motivations. It is a good policy to question why we no longer feel comfortable being involved with a particular religious group, but even if our reasons are less than the best, the results might prove to be just what we needed. I recall a situation where a young lady decided to leave her church affiliation, because she would not be permitted to marry the young man she loved. At her early age, who knows whether that romance would have lasted to the point of marriage, but she was better off leaving the church for other reasons that were more valid. She probably recognized those reasons in the months and years following her decision, but fortunately for her, she broke free at an early age.

It is wise to question our own motives, but as we will learn in Stone Four, discernment helps us to focus our hearts and minds to make enlightened decisions about which path is the right one for us. Always remember that the religious and the spiritual paths we take can work together or they can oppose one another. Always choose the path that is filled with love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness.

Today’s Assignment is to ask yourself if the path you are traveling brings you fulfillment. Is there a stagnancy that could be overcome by making some simple changes? Do you have an agenda for yourself or others that is blocking the light and keeping you from seeing clearly? To repeat the overall concept of Stone Three: question, question, question.


[1] Young, Christopher (2012-04-12). Buddha Quotes - 365 Days of Inspirational Quotes and Sayings in Buddhism (Kindle Locations 1206-1207).  . Kindle Edition.

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Question Religious Recovery.

One thing I’ve learned from my spiritual journey is that most, if not all, religious experiences began with good intentions. Many have stayed true to those intentions, but many have not. This most often happens because they fall prey to the temptations of money, sex, power, and popularity. In some cases, they succumb to more than one temptation. Knowing this to be true gives me pause to consider in what ways will the ideas of Religious Recovery be abused and misconstrued to mean things they were never intended to mean. It is my hope that this program will one day reach thousands of lives and help people heal from the abuses of religion or the religious, but it will disappoint me greatly if I, or another leader of Religious Recovery, becomes revered one day to a position of prominence above everyone else.

I also understand that as the program grows, temptations may arise for me and other leaders of the Religious Recovery program in the areas of money, sex, power, and popularity. If that happens, only time will tell if we are able to resist temptation and hold true to the values that will enable the program to succeed. With all that in mind, it is not without some true concern that I highly suggest to each person reading these words to question the teachings of Religious Recovery. I also would remind the reader that spirituality is like a flowing river, ever changing and ever moving. Some of the things we hold to be true today might seem a little less sure in the future. Flow with the river of spirituality, because in its purest form, it is fed by Love and its final destination is an ocean of Love that never ends. From the very beginning, we prayed that if the concepts of Religious Recovery were divinely inspired, then let it be hugely successful, but if the concepts and teachings were not divinely inspired, let it die a quick death. Time will tell which path the program will take. Our goal was to help people heal from any and all religious abuse they might have encountered, and we believed that healing should be free to all.

Today’s Assignment is to question everything we have written or said and make sure it resonates with your path. As they say in other healing traditions, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” Thank you for the opportunity to speak to you. We hope we have been of help in some way, but we also want you to know that we hope we have guided you and not tried to lead you.

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Look for agendas.

It is perhaps only human nature to value one person over another, but when it comes to religious beliefs, it seems this is an atrocity. Still, it happens. The larger a religion becomes, the more money it takes to keep the organization running. This is seen in the corporate aspect of religion, because many religions are big business, but it is also seen on the local level. I have seen religious leaders court couples who appear to be young, rich, and successful while paying far less attention to those who are middle class, low class, and even considered to have no class. No one is perfect, and we make allowances because we understand this, but when it becomes obvious that the ones who financially support the work of the religious organization have greater influence than those who have a deeper spiritual commitment, things have become unbalanced. We understand that great work can be accomplished by those who aren’t perfect, and that would include all of us, but the attempt at equality and fairness is important. We might not get it right every time, but we keep trying, and we also don’t ignore patterns that might emerge.

When we discover a religious organization with a hidden agenda, it’s important to think long and hard before giving them our allegiance. There are certain agendas that are appropriate for a religious organization to hold, such as treating our neighbor the way we want to be treated, creating a place of mutual respect and love for all Divine creatures, and being passionate about finding the spiritual path that leads to the greatest happiness and fulfillment. An organization that holds these goals as their agenda doesn’t have to hold them in secret. They can be bold about loving one another and wanting to work together for a common good. Still, many religious organizations’ agendas are not public, and it takes time to discover what is really going on behind the scenes. It’s one thing to whip up a crowd and get them emotionally excited about donating to the church, but it’s quite another thing to live a life dedicated to the healing of the planet and working towards ending abuse, biases, and prejudices. Not only can religious organizations have hidden agendas, but individuals can, too.

Today’s Assignment is to consider what agendas, hidden or open, your religious organization might have and also ones that you might have. Are those agendas positive, and do they support your spiritual path?

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Be Inquisitive.

When we meet someone we think we might be interested in romantically, one of our natural instincts is to be inquisitive. Our initial attraction may have been a physical one, but soon after, we find we want to know more about them. Who are they? Where are they from? What are their beliefs? We are looking for love, and there are things about that person that we want to know. When we get down to it, what we are looking for is compatibility. This is achieved more often through the things we have in common instead of the opposites that supposedly attract us to one another. We begin questioning and observing, and we allow the same questions and act of observing to be done to us. We want to know, but we also want to be known. Love is being able to know another person and love them for who and what they are, but it is also knowing that, at our worst, we will still be loved by them.

When it comes to our spiritual journey, the same inquisitive, probing state of mind is appropriate. Not only do we want to find a religious and spiritual path in which we feel loved, but we also want to find a path that does not judge us, place guilt on us (we do a good enough job of that on our own), or condemn us if we disagree with them. It is important to ask as many questions as we want, because our plan is to give our hearts, our minds, and our love to this journey. It is critically important to know for certain, as much as is humanly possible, our faith will not be abused. It is also important to remember that people make mistakes, and, ultimately, we are responsible for the spiritual road we follow — or the one we pave.

Today’s Assignment is to consider your spiritual journey in the same way you would think of seeking a soulmate. Does this path resonate with your spirit? Does it bring love, joy, and peace into your life? Does it compliment your strengths and give guidance for your weaknesses? Do you look forward to being on this spiritual journey with the people who you meet and share your heart with?

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Change questions.

Sometimes we get stuck in a situation because we keep asking the same question. It helps at times to ask a different question. For instance, sometimes we just want to understand why something happened, and we can get stuck in the “why” of it all. In some circumstances, no amount of asking “why” can help us move forward. A “why” question moves us into the past, and dwelling in the past can leave us moping about for answers that are not at our disposal. Answers have sometimes been buried with our loved ones and no amount of asking can give us peace. This is a situation in which changing the question can lend better results. Instead of asking “why?” we can ask “what now?” That question can lead us out of the past and into the present. “What now?” might lead to the question “how do I cope?” and “how do I move on?” All three questions are better than dwelling on the “why,” they move us forward into living in the present. That makes us available for the future.

Another question we might ask that is better than “why” is “Was there any good I can hold onto?” Another excellent question to ask is “How do I heal?” or “How do I release the pain?” or “How do I take what happened, apply it to my life, and make the most of what seemed like an awful situation?” All of this questioning helps us heal, but it also helps us when we are ready to move forward. If we are considering different religious or spiritual experiences, we can learn from the lessons of the past, apply those lessons to the present, and with emotional wisdom and enlightened intuition, we can make better choices.

Today’s Assignment concerns holding on to the question “why?” Make an effort to change that question to one that helps you move on with your life. “Why” questions often aren’t answered in the time frame you prefer, as in “now,” but you can leave the question of “why” in the hands of the Universe, choose to release the pain, and move on. Some “why” questions might never be answered, but you can learn to live with that.

      At times we just know something without any practical evidence. It is knowledge we have that is independent of reason. We simply know. Sometimes we “know” the outcome of a situation — an impending accident (good or bad), or when a phone is going to ring. Sometimes we even know who is calling.
      Where this knowledge comes from is not as important as what we do with the knowledge. At times I have ignored my intuition, only to say later, “I knew that was going to happen.” Fortunately, the majority of these incidences have been harmless. But, the more we pay attention to these small intuitions and heed the “knowing,” the more attuned we become to the Voice. Later, when the Voice has more important information for us, we’ll be more likely to hear and listen.
      Many people seem to be willing to trust their intuition in work, recreation, and even in politics, but sadly some of those same people do not trust their intuition in the realm of spirituality or religion. In fact, this is the most important area in which to listen to that gut feeling or that inner Voice. Sometimes that inner Voice would have us avoid a religious belief system that might prove to be harmful to us.
      Intuition can be twisted by our egos, so it’s important to discern where the voice originates. But, with time and practice, intuition can become a healthy practice that guides us to the Light and away from darkness.

STONE THREE CONTINUED
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Choose your questions.

If you had the opportunity to meet someone who you considered to be a very spiritual individual but were informed that you could only ask one question, what would you ask? A group of Pharisees got together to ask Jesus what he believed was the greatest commandment. His two-part answer was to love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Fortunately, we are not limited to just one question when it comes to making decisions about our spiritual journey. We may ask as many as we want as often as we want. Sometimes we fail to ask questions when we should, and sometimes we get stuck asking the same questions over and over. Stone Three encourages us to ask questions about experiences we have, information we receive, and the motives of those who are presenting their spiritual or religious beliefs. We even question our own motives to be certain they are in our best interest and not influenced by a negative ego. We are also encouraged to question the information we receive from the Religious Recovery program.

Any religious organization that can’t withstand our questions should be given serious consideration before we buy into what they are promoting. Statistics can be manufactured, witnesses can be produced to support, and bold promises can be made that tempt us into believing they have all the answers to life’s questions, but there is no concrete proof that any one religious organization has found the one and only way. We must proceed cautiously and ask questions. “How do I know what they are saying is true? What is the proof? How does this feel in my heart? Is there a hidden agenda they are not telling me about? What do former members have to say? How open-minded are they to other teachings? What is the commitment level they are asking for? What preposterous success results are they promising?” Questioning and a little common sense can go a long way in helping us make wise religious and spiritual decisions.

Today’s Assignment is to think about a religious organization and consider this: bigger is not always better and smaller is not always better either. The size of the congregation doesn’t make it right or more spiritual. Some congregations are large because they know how to entertain well. Look for something that speaks to your heart and calls you to want to change from the inside out.

STONE THREE
 
Question: I question every experience, all information, personal motives — mine and others — including the ideas presented by The Religious Recovery Program.

Instruction: Ask questions.

After considering the material in Stone Two, we might want to pause to consider whether we are opening our lives to things that are not in our best interest. Stone Three takes us a little further on our journey by reminding us that not everything we hear or experience will be helpful on our spiritual path. Part of the premise of the Religious Recovery program is that we are questioning a current or former religious experience because of some hurt or abuse we believe was done to us in the name of religion. As we heal from the hurt and abuse, we might want to remember that our questioning helped us to open our eyes and played an important role in helping us move in a more positive spiritual direction. We might find ourselves open to a multitude of religious experiences, and we might be vulnerable to more religious abuse if we are not cautious.

One of the most important cautions we would give is to be certain not to gravitate towards the familiar, at least not without the awareness that you are choosing to do so. When we heal from an abusive situation, we often find ourselves involved in another abusive situation that feels very much like the one we left. The reason is that we tend to gravitate toward the familiar in our lives. People who marry abusive people often leave that person only to find someone else who is just as abusive. Sometimes it takes years for them to break the cycle. The same thing can happen with religion. We leave one place, because we could no longer accept the abuse of power, only to find ourselves involved with another religious organization that also abuses its power.

Stone Two encourages us to open to different insights, but as we open, it is not without questioning along the way. Is this a safe place? Is love the most important thing that is taught here? Does this organization use guilt, shame, or condemnation as tools to manipulate their people? Questions will help us discover the heart of the organization, and sometimes those questions must probe below the surface. Those who have nothing to hide will not be offended by our questions. In fact, they might even encourage them. Anytime a person or religious organization becomes offended when we do not adhere to the advice or guidelines they laid out for us, we need to be aware that they might have something to hide or a personal agenda. Don’t let them make you feel bad for recognizing their ulterior motives.

Today’s Assignment is to consider the following: If you are involved in a religious organization, ask yourself if you feel comfortable with asking questions of its leaders, their doctrine, and guidelines. Do they have rigid beliefs that you secretly don’t agree with because you fear being judged and condemned? Do their beliefs line up with the concepts of love, forgiveness, and respect for everyone?

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Open to life.

The greatest teacher of all is life. We learn from our experiences, good and bad, and we develop in positive or negative ways, depending on how we interpret our life experiences. Perhaps this helps us understand why there are so many different religions in the world. Life is the greatest teacher, and because all of our experiences differ, it’s not surprising that we have different religious fields of thought that have arisen to try to help us make sense of our existence. When one religious experience denies the validity of another and tries to establish itself as the “one (and only) true path,” then it denies that The Divine can reveal itself to other countries in ways that are meaningful to their experiences. It also denies any validity of other religious or spiritual experience to their members. Some religions try to prevent this religious straying out of the conviction that they are doing what is best for their members. I wonder; however, if some might be prone to keep their flock under lock and key for selfish reasons.

We no longer have to fear branching out into other areas of religious faith. For some people who have been caught in a religious trap, this fear is real and palpable. I’ve met people who feared for their lives and for the lives of those they love should they stray from the fold, I’ve met people who developed physical ticks due to their fear of what might happen to them should they choose to leave their religious organization, and I have met people who struggle with the concept of going to hell if they don’t believe exactly as they have been taught.

If we believe in a loving Higher Power, then let’s use some common sense. If this loving Higher Power created the world and all that is in it, wouldn’t that Power have created many ways for its creation to connect with their Source and to return to it? Would that Higher Power select one nation or one religious belief system that man created as the only way Home and condemn all the others? If that Higher Consciousness made multiple paths Home, then wouldn’t we benefit from learning all we can from every path that leads us there?

Today’s Assignment is to open to all of life’s experiences. As we do, we will find that The Divine can be found in all walks of life, and there is something to be learned from everyone we meet. We are on a journey together, so let’s greet our fellow travelers as the sons or daughters of divinity they are and open our hearts to learn from all who walk beside us.

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Welcome new experiences.

Many innovative spiritual thinkers were not confined or contented with one religious/spiritual program. They might have been tutored in one religious persuasion, but their spiritual quest was too big to be confined. Their questions were too bold, and the answers their religious teaching provided were insufficient. Many ventured into other spiritual/religious realms searching for an experience that met the ache of their hearts to know and to be known by That which created them — That which set the universe in motion. Many of these seekers have given us suggestions for what worked and did not work for them. There are also lesser examples of spiritual seekers who dabbled in chemically enhanced drugs that seemed to help, at least for a time, but later discovered the risks and dangers were not worth the reward. There are also experiences that can be had through natural substances such as mushrooms or peyote. Do they fall into the same category as chemically enhanced drugs, or are they safe when guided by someone whose culture, such as the Native American culture, teaches them how to use them safely? We leave these questions and answers to our readers to make wise decisions.

There are, however, experiences that are safe and will bring us the desired result without taking risks. Many of these experiences are used by different religious groups, and often they are willing to teach these techniques to a seeker of spiritual Light. My recommendation is to be cautious and listen to your instincts. If something feels right to you, it probably is, but don’t ignore cautions that your spirit might be giving you. If something feels wrong, then it probably is — at least for now. Sometimes we are not ready for certain experiences because of physical, mental, or emotional reasons. By listening to our intuition, we can avoid experiences that might harm us, and we can open to experiences that will help us along our spiritual path. An open mind is not a stupid mind. It is a discerning, calculating, cautious, and sincere mind. When we open our minds, we don’t think less — we think more, or at least we should. Just because we open our mind to a new experience, it doesn’t mean that experience is right for us, but if we don’t try new things, we might not find the experiences we seek.

Today’s Assignment is to try new experiences to see which ones are meaningful to you and which are not. Always keep an open mind, and remember that some things you try might be meaningful at the start but the effectiveness could quickly fade. On the other hand, some experiences might hold little or no meaning at first, but after a while you may come to appreciate them.

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Keep an open mind.

When we open our minds to different spiritual and religious paths, we might find that we feel like a ship without a rudder that is being tossed by the wind and the waves. At one time, we might have thought that the religious organization we had given our loyalty to was grounded and that we were on solid terrain. If we discover that the ground was shaky and the foundation weak, we might look for more solid footing, only to find ourselves at sea in a boat with no rudder and apparently no way of reaching solid ground ever again. We might discover that our questions begin to outnumber our certainties. In fact, we might not feel certain of anything we believe. We might believe that only death is certain, and even in that belief, we might be tempted to doubt. Is this wind-swept, rudderless existence dangerous? It doesn’t have to be. Not knowing is how we come into the world, and after we leave this earth, we may discover that what we thought we knew was not nearly as close to the truth as we thought it was. Eventually this feeling of being rudderless in our religious beliefs will give way to a peace and freedom that was out of our grasp, especially if or when we felt the need to defend our beliefs or convert others to our way of thinking.

An open mind is a grace-filled mind. An open mind is subject to possibilities that a closed mind would never consider. An open mind may wander the ocean with abandonment and seem to have no destination or purpose, but it’s also wandering in peace, tranquility, and freedom. It floats through the storms of life without the need to comprehend why the storms happen. An open mind accepts that all will work out with time and chance, and although it does not steer its own course, it releases the need to know to the sea and to that which controls the sea. The questions no longer become “Why?” but “What now?” and the answer is the mysterious journey that unfolds before us.

Today’s Assignment is to consider what it might look like if you suddenly let go of everything you thought you knew and decided to open to every experience as if you were seeing it for the first time. As you do this exercise, remember that an open mind is not a weak mind but a strong and powerful mind.

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Consider the similarities of religious thought.

Today we will look at one specific concept and how different religions shed a variety of light on the subject. The concept we have chosen is Loving-kindness.

• What sort of religion can it be without compassion? You need to show compassion to all living beings. Compassion is the root of all religious faiths. –Hinduism, Basavanna, Vacana 247
• Love covers a multitude of sins. –Christianity, 1 Peter 4.8
• God enjoys justice, kindness, and charity to one’s kindred, and forbids indecency, abomination, and oppression. He admonishes you so that you may take heed. –Islam, Qur’an 16.90
• He who can find no room for others lacks fellow feeling, and to him who lacks fellow feeling, all men are strangers. –Taoism, Chuang Tzu 23
• Do not rebuke an older man but exhort him as you would a father; treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity. –Christianity, 1 Timothy 5.1-2
• A man once asked the Prophet what was the best thing in Islam, and the latter replied, “It is to feed the hungry and to give the greeting of peace both to those one knows and to those one does not know.” –Islam, Hadith of Bukhari
• This same thing does the divine voice hear, thunder, repeat: Da! Da! Da! that is, restrain yourselves, give, be compassionate. One should practise this same triad: self-restraint, giving, compassion. Brihadāranyaka Upanishad ch. 5, pt. 2, v. 3[1]

 
Each of these quotes has something to share about loving-kindness. Each quote is able to expand our understanding of what loving-kindness means and how it is to be practiced, and these are only a few of the quotes available from only a few of the religions of the world. Those who want a well-rounded world view of The Divine understand that rejecting insights from religions that we do not adhere to is simply impractical. Truth is truth, and if another religious organization has ways of explaining things that resonate with us, then why shouldn’t we learn from them?

Today’s Assignment is to keep in mind that we are not necessarily encouraging a study of world religions, although we see nothing wrong with that, but rather we are encouraging you to keep an open mind. When wisdom comes from outside your religious/spiritual experience of choice, you can learn from those traditions, too, if you haven’t labeled them as wrong, bad, or evil.

[1] http://www.seadict.com/en/en/the%20upanishads

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Learn in silence.

Sometimes it helps to silence the mind and hold our words. Study doesn’t have to be verbal. Of course, we can and we do learn from teachers who tell us things they know and think we should know, but this isn’t the only way to learn. Perhaps it isn’t even the best way to learn. Many teachers pass on knowledge without processing it for themselves. What was taught to them they repeat to others without questioning the validity of the concepts. In silence, we examine ideas and instruction to determine if it makes sense to our head and our heart. In silence, we learn to let go of judgment, but we rely heavily on discernment. Good and bad are often not as important as needed or unneeded. It might be true, but is it true in all instances, in all areas, and is it true for our lives personally? Something might be a law, but there are many laws, and not all laws are good laws. Some laws tried to banish the spiritual practice of a religion that was different from their own.

Although our voices are still, it doesn’t mean our minds are closed. On the contrary, the silent mind is more capable of being an open mind, a mind that examines, and a mind that seeks truth, peace, love, and togetherness. A silent mind can have a wonderful impact on the world around it. A silent mind also doesn’t always remain silent. When it is time to speak, the voice will return, and it will have something positive, loving, and caring to share. The silent mind will fill with wisdom, because it has considered possibilities, probabilities, and has searched for solutions that are not restricted by narrow-minded or closed-minded thinking. Insights come as we partake of wisdom from a variety of sources and consider the needs of all — and not just a select few. It seems as if some people never have a silent thought. Whatever they think, they say. All of us benefit from times of silence and solitude.

Today’s Assignment is to sit in silence and let your thoughts lead you where you need to go? Silence, as much as possible, the crowd of thoughts and concentrate on listening.

      One of the concepts of the Religious Recovery meetings is for each group to be autonomous. Each group is to be independent and self-governing. Of course, we have created some basic guidelines for the organizing and running of each group, but these are not mandatory. The belief in autonomy comes out of the 12-step background, but it is also intrinsic to the Steps and Stones of the Religious Recovery program.
      Religious Recovery seeks to help people become autonomous in their spiritual path — to make choices and decisions based on the Inner Voice, trusting that they are — or can be — connected to The Divine. For those who want to follow a particular religion, Religious Recovery’s teaching on autonomy can help an individual determine which religion works best for them and when it is time to leave or stay, when to look for another, when it is time to abandon all religious paths, and when — if ever — it is time to return to religion.
     The concept of autonomy is also discovered in Stones Three and Four which encourage us to question and discern. And, especially in stone One where we find the autonomous belief that we — and no one else — are responsible for our own spiritual path. We can’t blame another person or a religious belief system if we have refused to question and take control of our own path.

STONE TWO CONTINUED
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Open to other teachers.

Part of the problem of only adhering to one spiritual or religious path is that we are often taught by only one religious leader. The minister, priest, rabbi, or other religious leader becomes our primary source of information about The Divine and all things religious. Many religious organizations are so structured that when one religious leader leaves and another comes to take his or her place, it doesn’t make much difference in the teaching. The religious organization’s colleges, universities, and seminaries produce cookie-cutter leaders who carry the same messages and do very little straying from doctrine. I could never imagine the church I grew up in sharing spiritual wisdom from any other religion except their own. I could never imagine them inviting a religious leader from another religion to speak to their members on topics that had not been approved. What is it that they have to fear? Are they afraid of losing people? Are they afraid of giving their members another perspective and other choices? Are they afraid that they might be wrong and that they might be leading others, and themselves, astray?

I don’t know the answers, but I do know that my life was enriched when I allowed other religious and spiritual teachers to share their wisdom, knowledge, and love with me. At first, I was only open to those who called themselves Christian teachers, but I discovered that those whose teachings resonated with my soul were open-minded thinkers who didn’t disparage other world views simply because it didn’t come from their particular holy book. Later, I discovered other teachers who were not Christian by name but whose teachings lined up with much of what I thought to be the best of Christianity. Before long, I concluded that there was much to be gained from the best of the best, and there were enough similarities in the teachings of other world religions that I could safely venture out on my own to discover the many varied ways in which The Divine has reached out to us in every nation and culture of the world.

Today’s Assignment is to take a moment to do a mental inventory of the things you have learned from one religious belief system. Are there other things you have learned along the way from other sources that have enhanced and clarified those teachings? Can you find similarities and differences and discern what makes more sense to you? Can you trust your intuition to guide you?

STONE TWO
 
Open: I partake of spiritual wisdom and knowledge from a variety of sources and open myself to different insights.

Instruction: Open to other sources.

For the early part of my life, I was only open to spiritual and religious insights from one particular denomination of Christianity, and I know I am not the only one who has had that experience. I am also certain, especially in other parts of the world, that there are other people who were only open to one particular branch of the religion they inherited at birth. Jewish people teach their children about Judaism. Hindu people teach their children about Hinduism. Some parents might teach their children about other world religions, and for the most part we pass on what we learn. If that religious or spiritual path works for each generation, then I suppose there is no harm in not exploring other world religions. No harm, perhaps, but on the other hand, we might be missing out on other concepts and teachings that might enhance our spiritual/religious path and offer new insights. They could give us different mental pictures and understandings to clarify our thoughts in order to bring us closer to The Divine.

As a dedicated Christian, I committed myself to reading the Bible from beginning to end in a year’s time, and I continued that practice for several years. There were a lot of boring days when I read about the lineage of families that meant little or nothing to me. What I have discovered is that there is a lot of other religious material that I could have been reading instead of finding out who begat whom. Instead, I could have been reading, for example, Zen stories that were similar in nature to the parables of Jesus, and those stories could have provided practical advice for how to live in peace. I could have been reading stories of Native American spirituality and how it survived in spite of the efforts of missionaries and the government to wipe it out. I could have learned that my specific branch of Christianity was not the only religion, or even the only form of Christianity, that was taught and believed by the entire world. I could have learned that when anyone said or implied that they had found the only way Home, chances were someone, and maybe everyone, who claimed divine exclusiveness was mistaken.

Today’s Assignment is to take time to let your mind open to the possibility that there might be value in other religious/spiritual belief systems. If this thought doesn’t resonate with you today, then let it go and come back to it at a later time. Perhaps it might make sense later, perhaps not. We have no desire to rescue those who do not want or feel they need to be rescued (see Step Thirteen).

STONE ONE CONTINUED
 
Assert: I assert that I am responsible for my own spiritual path.

Instruction: Take control.

Take responsibility for your spiritual path, and assert that you will not give up control to anyone. We will allow ourselves to be influenced by spiritual people from time to time, but we will not allow them to make our spiritual decisions for us. We will establish that we have the final word, and we will trust our hearts, minds, and intuition to guide us to make wise, kind, loving, and forgiving choices. We might mess up at times, but we know that we can choose again whenever we recognize our mistakes. There is nothing in the Religious Recovery program that has to be done religiously. Our goal is to help people heal from abuse. If they choose to move forward and want to discover ways in which to grow spiritually, we have established the Stones to help guide them, but, they are just guides. We encourage every individual to think for themselves and make decisions for themselves. People might disagree with things we write or say, and that’s all right. The river of spiritual growth continues to change, and we might also disagree with things we said or wrote as new spiritual insights reveal themselves to us. The important concept we hope each individual will take from Stone One is to take charge of their own spiritual path. Along with that are these thoughts: Do not give up your power. Embrace the Journey. Use common sense.

What if we could create our own religion from scratch? What if we could set down rules and guidelines that would help direct people in religious worship that would complement their spiritual journey? In a way, that’s what Stone One is suggesting. Pick the parts that work for you, but instead of using them to dictate other people’s behavior, use them to guide your own journey. Take the best of the best, and leave behind anything that doesn’t seem to work for you. The kingdom of The Divine lies within each of us. It’s up to us to discover it and merge our lives with the peace and love that awaits us there.

Today’s Assignment is to take a few moments to repeat these words: “I assert that I am responsible for my own spiritual path. I will endeavor to find what works to make me a more loving, caring, forgiving, and understanding person. I seek peace with every individual and with myself.”