STEP THIRTEEN CONTINUED
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Respect your message.

As we rest in knowing that we don’t have to do religious recruitment, we can also rest in the assurance that our message is being shared. Our Light is shining, and the witness of our peace, or lack of, is being seen and heard by those we meet. Respect the message of your life. As we grow in spiritual understanding, our message is getting out by us being more loving, caring, giving, and forgiving. Just because we aren’t calling people to a specific action, such as making a commitment to a religious leader or to a religious institution, it doesn’t mean that the witness of our lives isn’t calling people to be all that they can be — not just in the physical, emotional, mental, and business realm but especially in the spiritual realm, which, in the end, is the area that matters the most.

Letting go of the need to change someone gives us the freedom we were meant to have. Successful spiritual leaders attract people because of the brightness of the Light that shines within them that pours out into the world around them. Charismatic and/or controlling leaders can be successful from the perspective of generating a large following and wealth, but we also must look at the larger picture of whether they are able to have long-lasting positive spiritual growth in their followers. We are not always ready to learn from the first group we mentioned, the spiritual men and women who have made peace with their ego and peace with their purpose in life, but when we are ready, the right connection will be made. These individuals may only be in our lives for a short period of time, but the impact they leave can have a long-lasting positive influence. These spiritual giants aren’t concerned about forming a gathering around them, because they are more concerned with helping people to find their own path by listening to their heart and trusting the inner guidance that is available to everyone. They have come to respect their own message, and it is their desire that we respect our message, too.

Today’s Assignment is to let go of the need to change people. Respect and honor each person’s journey and be a light to their path. Others will be drawn to your light as you simply live in peace and harmony with yourself, the world, and those around you.
 

STEP THIRTEEN CONTINUED
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Rest in spiritual peace.

When we embrace certain religious beliefs, we find our lives become more complicated and less peaceful, more involved and less free. Many religions, because of their belief that their way is the best way and perhaps the only way, encourage their converts to share their path with friends, family members, and strangers. This can intimidate both the one that is sharing their path and also the ones they are trying to recruit, save, or convert. If we recognize that there are probably a multitude of paths to The Divine and one path might be just as good as another, then the urgency to share our religious beliefs is no longer a life or death endeavor. We no longer have to worry about what might happen to someone after they die. Our responsibility is not to save others but to be a Light to point the way, and Light is silent. It shines, but it has no need to speak. A lighthouse doesn’t tell you where to go; it simply shows you what is real and illuminates the darkness. It is up to us to decide which path we will take based on the Light that shines around us.

As our Light shines brighter, others will be attracted to us, and we can become instrumental in helping them to find their path — but it is still their path, and we are not imposing ours upon them. What a freeing sensation it becomes to know that we are not spiritually responsible for another person’s journey, even if that person is a close friend or family member. In many family situations, it is difficult to influence those we love because of our familial connection with them. They know our faults and our weaknesses, and so, at times, it becomes awkward, and, in some circumstances, implausible to them to accept our spiritual help. We might not be the spiritual teacher that is right for them, but when they are ready, the right teacher will appear. Step Thirteen brings a sigh of relief when it comes to the practice of religious pandering. We don’t have so many hours we are required to perform to meet a goal, and we don’t have a fixed number of souls that we must save.

Today’s Assignment is to take a break from this pressure of “saving” someone and release the responsible for rescuing souls. The only one you can change is yourself. Concentrate on that and let the world run on its own. Today’s message can be liberating for those who have been taught that they are responsible for “saving” someone else.

STEP THIRTEEN CONTINUED
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Listen with your heart.

I have been drawn into religious and spiritual relationships with different leaders, and most of those leaders were honorable individuals who wanted what was best for me. I don’t recall many, if any, who I would view as mean, self-centered, or abusive. I’ve been fortunate. I had an experience with one individual; however, who wanted to guide me in ways that didn’t feel comfortable to me and who also wanted to do things his way. He wasn’t opposed to using manipulation techniques to prove his point. My heart spoke to me and told me that this person wasn’t ready to be a teacher, and/or I wasn’t ready to be his student. Sometimes we reach a point where we aren’t in need of a teacher. Instead, what we need is a companion, a fellow traveler, to walk with us for a while. By learning to listen with our hearts, we can discern whether a person will be helpful to us or hurtful.

One of the things that our heart listens for is the witness of the lives of teachers. Are they humble? Are they kind? Are they self-serving or others-oriented? Have they firsthand knowledge of what they speak? Are they spiritually mature? Do they love animals? Do animals love them, or do animals shy away from them? Are they quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness? There are small signs that the heart can hear if we will not allow ourselves to be overpowered by a person’s charms. Step Thirteen is about recognizing when a spiritual relationship should be formed between you and a teacher, or you and a student, because it works both ways. Is the person not only a teacher, but are they also teachable? Be wary of any teacher who has all the right answers, who claims they know the way to The Divine, and who claims that theirs is the only way.

Today’s Assignment is to take some time to think about what the perfect teacher might look like. We might find the concept of “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” difficult to put into practice. If you have a mental image of the perfect teacher, try to enlarge that image a little more. Perhaps your perfect teacher won’t look like anything you imagine, and if that happens, you might miss the opportunity to learn from a master teacher.

STEP THIRTEEN CONTINUED
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Separate charisma from compassion.

Charismatic individuals make an impression on those they meet, but they don’t always use their charismatic personality in honorable ways. Compassionate people often speak slowly, softly, and might not seem to have a lot to say, but their message falls in line with spiritual principals such as love, forgiveness, peace, acceptance, and tolerance. A charismatic person might pound into your mind the concept that the sky is falling, and they are here to save you. A compassionate person might never darken your front door, but they might pay the balance of your check if you are short of money or offer you a smile when you are having a bad day. They don’t seek you out, but if your paths cross, your heart will be touched and your life changed. Compassionate people will not judge you. They will accept you with all your flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. They recognize their own faults, and they recognize that others struggle in ways similar to, and sometimes different than, the ways in which they struggle.

Compassionate people lift us up. Charismatic people might bowl us over and make us feel that we’re not good enough and never will be. Charismatic people say “follow me, I’ll show you the way,” but compassionate people gather us together and say “let’s find our way together.” These comparisons are general in nature. It is certainly possible for someone to be charismatic and compassionate at the same time, but, generally speaking, the differences tend to hold true. Compassionate leaders are often considered humble, not self-serving, and they consider the interests of all individuals, not just the majority.

When a spiritual guide or teacher comes into our lives, we might not have a choice as to whether they are charismatic or compassionate, but if we know what to look for, we can be more discerning when it comes to who we are willing to let teach us. We can learn from both types, and both have strengths. We can also be damaged by a teacher who is unethical, and a compassionate teacher is less likely to cause further harm.

Today’s Assignment is to consider the type of leader you are drawn to. Do you prefer the more entertaining speaker who is charismatic and engaging? If so, does that individual have a message with substance or is he or she telling you what you want to hear? Does she or he have compassion, and is that based on emotion or action?

      In Step Two we claim that The Divine has no religion. If that is so, then what is the essence of The Divine? Step Three states that we are spiritual beings, so, is The Divine a spiritual being also? Yes. The Divine is Spirit. No body. Nothing to restrict it to this plane of existence. It is pure thought, pure love, abundant in resources and power, yet loving in every aspect of its nature.
      At our highest and best, we remember that we are also spirit. Yes, we have an earthly body that limits our abilities, and while we remain in that body we are restricted by time and space, but the spirit within us is the essence of who we really are. We can transcend what seems to be our baser natures and live up to our full potential as loving, caring, trusting creations of The Divine.
      When we truly recognize our spiritual natures and tap into the power of love, we will come into our strength and power, able to transform our lives first, and then the lives of the world — not by strength of force, but by the power of love. This transformation is accomplished when we decide to turn our lives over to that which is greater than we are. This turning over of our lives is a decision we make on a regular basis until the decision “sticks.” Until it is solidified in our thinking, in our hearts, and in our spirits. We are quite simply returning to Love.

STEP THIRTEEN CONTINUED
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Watch for synchronicity.

The word “synchronicity” is defined as “the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.”[1] I like to think of it as Divine connections. When we look for these Divine connections, we will begin to see them with more regularity. In the beginning of the program, I had the idea for a group that would meet to help people overcome religious abuse. I created a Craigslist posting and slowly received a few responses. Then, I noticed someone was also posting on Craigslist who was trying to do the same thing. I contacted him, suggested that we meet to talk about our ideas of how to help, and see if it might be beneficial to work together. We had never met before and came from very diverse backgrounds, but our goals were the same — to help people heal who had been hurt in the same or similar manner to the way we had been hurt. As time went on, we discovered that although we didn’t know each other personally, I was familiar with his wife’s family and had even attended the same church as her parents. Some would call that a coincidence, and I wouldn’t disagree. At the same time, I see that coincidence as being a divinely orchestrated meeting.

In much the same manner, the coincidences mount up over time, and people are discovering our program and the help we have to offer. This concept of “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” takes the pressure off the student and the teacher. The teacher doesn’t have to go door-to-door peddling their message, and the student doesn’t have to worry about another “crazy” religious or semi-religious individual ringing their door bell with literature to hand out and “good news” to pander. Step Thirteen is perhaps one reason our program has had a slow start, but it is also the reason our start needed to be slow. Implied in Step Thirteen is that not only when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, but also the concept that when the teacher is ready, the students will appear. Both teacher and student need to be ready for each other, and this often takes a divine connection. That is why it is important to be on the lookout for the synchronicities of life.

Today’s Assignment is to open to the synchronicities in your life. By ignoring something as merely a coincident and discounting the fact that the coincidence might have been divinely orchestrated sets us up for missed opportunities. The Universe brings people — teachers — into our lives to guide us. Those teachers would probably not be presented to us unless we were ready to be their student.

[1]https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=synchronicity

STEP THIRTEEN
 
We follow the principle that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The witness of our lives is the only message we need to carry to others.

Instruction: Seek help when you are ready.

The message of the Religious Recovery program might not be for everyone. It is not our responsibility to rescue people who have been hurt, disappointed, or abused by religion or the religious unless they are ready to be helped and they seek us out. Ours is not an aggressive, on-your-door-step and in-your-face approach. Even as kind and loving as many door-to-door messengers try to be, there is still something offensive about the front-porch approach. We know that our program has the ability to help thousands of people, but we also know that it is important to be certain that we don’t become another program that people will eventually need to be healed from. Our initial growth was slow and not very steady, but we did some minimal advertising on the Internet simply to let people know about us. People have found us mainly through personal recommendations, and at least in the beginning, we spent more time working with individuals than with groups.

The program also endeavors to avoid controversy, which is a challenge considering that religion is such a volatile subject. The need for the program is immense, and one of our goals is to develop enough literature to help those who cannot attend a meeting or who wouldn’t attend a meeting even if one was available. Some people who have been abused by religion are still caught up with that same religion, and because of practices such as shunning, formally or informally, they aren’t ready to leave their religion, because it could destroy their world. Other people have been sexually abused by a religious leader, or they know someone who has been sexually abused, and our program can help with the spiritual aspect of that abuse — but we also recommend that these individuals seek help from someone other than another religious leader. Our doors are open, and our hearts are open. Our message is simple. We understand religious abuse, and you don’t have to go it alone if you don’t want to. We are here for you.

Today’s Assignment begins with us repeating what we’ve said before — that those who have been sexually abused might want to seek professional help. We welcome you to our meetings, but we also encourage you to seek additional help unless you don’t feel comfortable in those settings. Some can’t afford to pay for help and don’t feel comfortable seeking help in a professional setting. We want to help in any way we can, but please remember we are a self-help, nonprofessional organization, but unlike Alcoholics Anonymous, Al Anon, and other 12-step programs, we help people recover from abuse, whether it is self-abuse, abuse from an organization, or an individual person.
 

STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.

Instruction: Be the Light.

Being the Light is nothing more than being the real person we were meant to be and the person we truly are. One of my favorite expressions from A Course in Miracles says that “I am as God created me.”[1] If we are created in the image of The Divine, then whatever The Divine is, we are, too. If that is Light or Energy or any other form of existence known or unknown, then we are a spark or a branch of our Higher Power. For the sake of today’s lesson, let’s assume The Divine is Light. It is obvious to me that we are lesser Lights than our Higher Power, but we still possess the same qualities even though we may not be using them to our full potential. When someone begins to reach the Light and display it more fully in their lives, they begin to attract others who are tired of the darkness and who are looking for a better way. Surely, all the problems that organized religions have contributed to the grief of the world is not necessarily the only way to reach the Light, or even the best way. We aren’t looking for a new religion to follow. We aren’t looking for a new prophet, guru, or messiah. The ones who display the most Light in their lives are not interested in being leaders to be worshipped but lighthouses to show others how to find their own path.

Consider the stationary lighthouse. It does not travel down a path to safety with followers lined up behind it. A lighthouse stays in one place and lights the landscape around it so that travelers can find their way in the darkness. The light from the lighthouse emanates from the heart or the center of the lighthouse, and it illuminates points of land and sea for miles around. It would seem silly to me to sit at the feet of a lighthouse to worship the structure. It is only a means to an end. As we come into our understanding of how the spiritual and the religious work together at times, and how they oppose each other at times, we come to see our responsibility is not to draw people into our belief system but to help them to understand they have their own Light and then encourage them to let it shine brighter every day.

Today’s Assignment is for us to examine our light and determine if we are a stationary lighthouse or a roving flashlight trying to show others that our path is the right and only way. Are we encouraging others to follow us, or are we encouraging others to find their own way?


[1] Schucman, Dr. Helen (Scribe) (2008-08-01). A Course in Miracles (Kindle Location 14274). Foundation for Inner Peace. Kindle Edition.
 

STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.

Instruction: Release the darkness.

At night when we’re walking in the dark, we can allow our minds to imagine all sorts of sordid terrors that might happen to us. If we were walking the same path in the daylight, our minds probably wouldn’t drift to such terrifying scenarios, because the Light removes shadowy, un-seeable, unknowable, and illusory images and replaces them with what is real. Our dreams can also lead us into terrifying storylines that, for the most part, completely dissipate and are forgotten after we wake. It seems that in our real world we often allow moments of darkness to overshadow our better judgment. At times, we might be prone to interpret things that we see and hear as if the worst case scenario is about to unfold. We might think that a person’s body language is threatening when all it might be saying is that they are having a bad day and they don’t want to be bothered.

We come more fully into the Light when we choose to release the darkness. When we are walking in the dark through a strange area, we can choose what we will allow into our imagination. We can still our minds from any horrors that might have involuntarily come into our thinking and decide that there are no terrors around us but only inanimate objects. We can imagine a restful, slumbering world full of wonders around us that we might not have noticed before the daylight. We release the darkness of fear and allow the light of love to move us past the physically dark world and into a spiritually lighted world. In the waking world, we often let our negative imaginations lead us into dark conclusions that are often no more real than our night monsters. People aren’t necessarily talking about us, and even if they are, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are saying bad things behind our backs. There probably isn’t a conspiracy lurking in the shadows waiting to lure us into a trap of destruction. People are not always judging and condemning us for our beliefs, actions, and associations. Most people have enough to take care of in their own world, and they are not trying to devise ways to disrupt our worlds. When we determine that we will see the good in people and refuse to believe that everyone is out to get us, then we are releasing the darkness and allowing the Light to take its place.

There are exceptions. If someone is in a dysfunctional family where there is a lot of narcissism, mental illness, or addiction, they may have to worry about the things outlined in the first paragraph, especially if their healing or spiritual evolution is threatening the environment enough to make them scapegoats. If you are in this situation, seek professional help so you can learn to discern and create boundaries. That will allow you to live in the Light and look at the darkness from the outside in.

Today’s Assignment is to take a moment to consider your response to the darkness, both physically and spiritually. Are you afraid of the dark? Do you imagine monsters and other creepy, crawly things? You do not have to live in fear of physical or spiritual darkness. The light shines within your being, and you need merely to allow it to surface so that you may see the world in all its beauty and love.

STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.

Instruction: Welcome the Light.

Fire was the first introduction of a light source other than the sun, moon, or stars, and unless the fire was large, the glow from the fire would be somewhat dim and often of a reddish hue. Candles gave us a better glow and a whiter hue, but not until the light bulb came along did we discover a bright white that looked more like daylight. With the introduction of LED light bulbs, the whiteness compares favorably to that of the light of day. Our image of The Divine has also changed over the centuries. I believe some early concepts of divinity were dim and somewhat colorless. Portraying God or gods as vengeful, jealous, and prone to many human frailties seems a lot like man’s struggle to find the light. Surely, over the centuries, our concept of The Divine has evolved much the way our ability to bring light into our world has evolved.

I welcomed the coming of improved light bulbs. The incandescent bulb worked well, was inexpensive, and provided plenty of light, but they burned out frequently, got hot, and used a lot of energy. I welcomed the CFL light bulbs with their squirrelly, twisted looks, because they lasted longer and used less energy, but when the LED light bulbs came on to the market, I was immediately drawn to them. Less heat, longer life, simpler look, and I felt the light was brighter and more like daylight. The biggest negative in my estimation was the higher cost. The point is that when better light comes along, we welcome it. In Step Twelve, we talk about being a Light to point the way, and in order to be the best Light that we can be, we welcome new ways of understanding The Divine that help to illuminate our concepts, perceptions, and appreciation for our Higher Power. Much of what we talk about in the Religious Recovery program is our ability to grow spiritually by opening to wisdom from a variety of sources and by accepting Light in whatever shape or form it chooses to present Itself to us.

Today’s Assignment is to consider how your image of The Divine has changed? Do you have a better image of what The Divine is, what The Divine wants, and how combining your understanding of divinity with other people’s understanding can enhance and enlarge our hearts and our world?

STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.
Instruction: Choose the Spirit.

Not only is it important to know the difference between religion and spirituality, but it behooves us to follow the Spirit in all decisions even when that choice goes against our religious beliefs. Those who have elevated their religion to the status of perfection might consider this to be an alien concept, but history has shown that there isn’t one perfect religion — all have failed and fallen short of their desired goal. How do we know when to follow the teachings of our chosen religion and when to abandon those teachings and follow the Spirit within our heart? For many, that is a serious question, because they don’t see a conflict between what their religion tells them and what their Higher Power would have them hear. Spiritual and religious concepts can be twisted to justify what a person wants, even if what they want is not in keeping with the basic laws of love, respect, honor, tolerance, and forgiveness. When we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation, we honor every person, every plant, every animal, the earth, the wind, the seas, the trees, and the waters.

We understand that life is sacred — all life — and we show respect to those who came before us and to those who follow us. Our duty is to our planet, not just individual nations. Our family stretches across the entire globe, and to treat someone as an enemy is to disrespect that person and ourselves. We treat everyone we meet as if he or she were our dearest friend. We recognize that we were all created equal — that no one nation is The Divine’s chosen, because we are all created by the same divinity so that we might be co-creators in charge of maintaining a loving, peaceful, abundant world where no one has lack. That is all a part of what it means to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation. That is what it means to make spiritual decisions over religious decisions. Being true to the Spirit simply means asking, “What would love do?” and then honestly answering that question and acting on the answer.

Today’s Assignment is to consider ways in which the laws of love have been violated in your world. Have some of those violations come at the hands of a religious belief that was applied without love or grace? Consider moments in your life where you might have followed something blindly without considering the cries for love and mercy that could have transformed a situation and brought about a miracle in someone’s life. Give yourself loving forgiveness and determine to do better the next time a similar situation is presented.

STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.
Instruction: Separate wants from needs.
Religious institutions build buildings and hire staff to maintain the buildings and the programs of the religious organization. They need to raise money to keep the lights on and the employees fed. Is that really a need or a want? Do we really need buildings and staff to be religious? We certainly don’t need buildings or employees or even programs to be spiritual. Many people find it difficult to resonate with the concept of giving a certain amount of our earnings to the religious gathering we attend, and, perhaps, with good cause. I heard a story of a minister who refused to marry a couple without first examining their financial statement to be certain they were giving ten percent of their income to the church. The minister wanted them to give to his church, but it wasn’t necessarily a need. I’m sure he justified his action by referencing the holy text of his church, but his behavior was, in my opinion, unloving, judgmental, and self-serving.

From a Christian perspective, tithing was a form of taxation in the Old Testament because the Temple was also the governing body. In addition, the Christian tradition also tells us to be good stewards so shouldn’t we only give money where it will be used well?

I have wondered how The Divine feels about all of this. Does The Divine need our money, or does The Divine even want our money? What would The Divine do with our money if we could somehow send it to the place where The Divine resides? And, what about those religious leaders who prove to be unworthy of our gifts of time, attention, and money — people like Jim Jones of Jonestown, his People’s Temple, and his infamous grape Flavor-Aid? Certainly, The Divine would not have us support evil religious leaders who mislead their congregation in the name of God. Does our Higher Power need these rules regarding money, how we spend our time, and how we act?

I’ve come to understand that men and women who direct our religious institutions have, at times, abused their power and have used guilt and shame to fill the offering plates. As we discern the difference between wants and needs, we will discover that we do not have to succumb to high power pressure tactics. We can donate in ways that are just as effective, and perhaps even more so, than the prescribed methods they would have us accept without questioning. Discerning the difference between wants and needs is important, because it also helps us discern the difference between being religious and being spiritual. Spirituality requires far less commitment to manmade institutions, rules, and structure, but, in some ways, spirituality involves more of our whole self than religion, but without the negative motivation of guilt, shame, and condemnation.

Today’s Assignment is to use the concept of donating to a religious organization as an example of the difference between wants and needs. We considered it from a somewhat negative perspective, but take a moment to look at financial giving from both a positive and negative perspective. The point was to consider wants versus needs from a religious/spiritual perspective and to determine for yourself where you will spend your money, time, and talents.

      The Divine Creator does not decide each morning whether He or She will be a Buddhist God, a Christian God, or a Muslim God. As we see in Step Two, The Divine has no religion, is greater than religion, and can do for us whatever it is that we need done. Where did the idea of religion come from?
      Did the early cavemen get together to draw up some rules about what they would believe concerning existence, a higher power, and how and what they should believe about the way they should live? If so, how did they come to a consensus? What about those who disagreed? By establishing a certain way of life — call it a philosophy of life or a religion — some ideas were discarded for the sake of — what? Establishing rules? Setting boundaries? And what about those who disagreed? Were they banned from the tribal community? Were they shunned by family and friends for their “strange” beliefs?
      By establishing walls of beliefs, we keep some people walled out. That is why I am glad that The Divine has no religion. We may think we know what The Divine wants and how The Divine thinks — but we might be wrong. Our safest bet is to love as The Divine loves, and let the rules and boundaries stay flexible.

 STEP TWELVE CONTINUED
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.

Instruction: Recognize the Spirit.

At times, we may find it difficult to recognize the Spirit of The Divine in all of creation, and, specifically, we might find it challenging to recognize the Spirit of The Divine in our fellowman. This is one of the goals that Religious Recovery sets for us to discover. We wrote earlier about seeking and finding the best in all religions. Now we are encouraging ourselves to seek and find the best in all human beings regardless of their religious beliefs, but also regardless of how much someone might irritate us. One sign of a spiritually enlightened being is their ability to accept and love everyone they meet. But, even in the most spiritually enlightened individual, there could still be a need to set boundaries with certain individuals.

Ideally, religious gatherings would excel in this capacity, but those gatherings are made up of humans with fears, flaws, and prejudices. They have trouble seeing the Spirit within themselves, and so they have trouble seeing it within one another. Many religious gatherings are doing better when it comes to acceptance and love, but many still have a lot of room for improvement, just as we as individuals do. I sometimes tell people, and I sometimes need to remind myself, that if I fail to see the Divine in them, I am doing them a disservice. Also, if I fail to see the Divine in myself, then I am doing a disservice to myself. It is often easier to see divinity in creation than it is to see it within the humans The Divine created. If we would progress in our spirituality to become beings of light and love, then we must begin to recognize the sacredness of each individual we meet. When we are connected with The Divine, we can greet everyone as if he or she was our dearest friend. This doesn’t come easy, and it doesn’t come in an instant, but by being true to the Spirit within ourselves we can recognize the Light within our hearts even if that Light seems dim and obscure.

Today’s Assignment is to be open to the possibility that everyone you meet is divinely created and look for the spark of The Divine that might seem buried beneath layers of hatred, bitterness, and bigotry. Examine your own life and look to see if you can recognize that spark of The Divine within your heart.

STEP TWELVE 
 
Having recognized the difference between religion and spirituality, we strive to be true to the Spirit within all of Divine Creation and to be a Light to point the way.

Instruction: Separate religion and spirituality.

Whenever we struggle with religious beliefs, it helps to remember that religion is man’s attempt to define The Divine, to guide us into ways to worship, and to get along with one another. No religious belief system is perfect or exclusive in its ability to accomplish these tasks, and none can replace our innate ability to connect with The Divine on a personal level. Keeping that in mind, we measure the quality of a religious organization based on what we know to be true to the Divine Spirit that resides within our hearts. Once we come to this understanding, we can enjoy religious expression without feeling guilty, wrong, or shameful when we fail to line up with their way of doing things or even with some of their beliefs. If conflicts arise, we can choose to stay or leave. Those decisions aren’t always as simple as these words would make it out to be, but knowing in our hearts that we can make those decisions, even if our leaving is more a mental versus a physical leaving, allows us to find religious and spiritual freedom.

There may be times and circumstances in which the differences between religion and spirituality seem blurred. In these situations, the best choice can often be a delayed decision. This allows us time to consider all the ramifications of the things that we are encountering and to make a more informed choice. It also provides time for us to evaluate the issues one at a time by considering whether the lines of religion and spirituality have been crossed in a negative way. For instance, if someone says that dancing is evil, is that a spiritual statement or a religious belief? What does our spirit say about dancing? Does it feel evil? Are we somehow connecting with dark forces, or is dancing a form of celebration that can be used to enhance our spiritual experience and even our religious experience? Recognizing the difference between religious belief and spiritual living is essential to religious freedom. It doesn’t mean we have to give up religion, but it does mean we can have a religious experience that can enhance our spirits and not divert us from our spiritual journey.

Today’s Assignment is to spend some time considering the difference between being religious versus being spiritual. How does being spiritual define you? How does it set you free? Are there religious situations that would impede your freedom to love and live in peace?

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Improve your relationships.

Through prayer, meditation, and contemplation, we can improve our relationships — not just with other people, but also with the Divine. These three practices give us clarity, an open mind and heart, and provide a means to help us heal from the abuses of religion and from other abuses, too. Healing ourselves creates the potential for healing others. When we are healed, it sets an example of how things can change and how we can improve. Most often, the first people affected by our healing are those with whom we are the closest. Healing doesn’t always extend to our family and friends until time has passed, and during the interim, our healing can be put to the test by those we love. At first, we might fail those tests.

Most people don’t like change, and when we heal ourselves and begin to come into our own spiritual power, it can intimidate and frighten those around us. Still, without our healing, things can go on indefinitely with our family and friends experiencing more and more abuse in their lives. When we change, we set the scene for others to follow where we lead. Our paths will not be the exact paths that others will take, but our healing can light the way for others to follow their own spiritual path by connecting to their Higher Power. Our strength can become their strength, and our resolve to be healed can inspire their resolve to be healed.

As our inner light shines brighter and brighter, we can become an example of how the concepts of prayer, meditation, contemplation, emotional intelligence, and enlightened intuition can guide them out of their prison of guilt, shame, blame, and darkness. The power lies in our determination to keep trying. As we heal, our situations might not show improvement overnight. It often takes time for us to change before we hope to see the change in others. After all, the only person we can change is ourselves. As we provide more and more light, we will help others in ways we would never have imagined. The beauty of it all is we only have to be ourselves and come into our light. As we improve our relationship with The Divine, we will improve our relationships with those around us and also with those we have yet to meet.

Today’s Assignment is to take time to make prayer, meditation, and contemplation a part of your regular routine. Try to stay consistent without being legalistic. Find a balance in working with your inner world and your outer world. Change will occur if we allow ourselves to develop and maintain these practices.

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Consider.

I don’t give a lot of thought to contemplation, and I think others might say the same thing. It seems a little odd to me that we don’t contemplate the concept of contemplation, because when we think about it, this practice makes a lot of sense and can make our lives and our decisions much easier. I like to think of contemplation as the joining together of prayer and meditation. It combines talking and listening. Another way to consider contemplation is the joining together of our emotions and our intelligence, or still another way to consider it is the joining together of our enlightened thoughts with our intuition. All three of these unions help us understand how contemplation is a valuable tool to help us see beyond the physical and into the spiritual. Decisions based on intellect alone can create problems. The same can be true of decisions that involve only our emotions. Our enlightened thoughts can also lead us astray at times, but when we combine them with our intuition, we find our decisions more solid and sure.

Prayer, meditation, emotional intelligence, and enlightened intuition are excellent tools to help us develop the process of contemplation. The concept of “worry” is similar in some ways to contemplation, because it considers a problem from different perspectives. The difference between worry and contemplation is that worry creates anxiety and stress, because it often examines issues from a negative, the-worst-than-can-happen-will-happen viewpoint, whereas, contemplation is useful in problem solving. In fact, contemplation often begins where worry ends. Once we come to the worst case scenario, we can relax and consider what positive outcomes might happen instead of considering the negative ones. Instead of what disaster is approaching, contemplation can help us not only avoid disaster but create beauty where we projected pain and suffering.

Today’s Assignment is to give some consideration to the concept of contemplation and try it on to see if it feels comfortable. If your first response to a problem is negative, allow it, but move past it as quickly as possible and begin to contemplate positive solutions and outcomes. When you move into the realm of contemplation, you are actually becoming co-creators with The Divine.

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Empty your mind.

A friend recommended that I try Zen meditation, so I located a local group and started attending. After a session or two, I commented to the facilitator that I was having trouble silencing my mind of all the thoughts that would come and go. He informed me that I shouldn’t try to silence the mind, because only a dead person can remove all thoughts from their mind. Instead, he suggested I empty my mind of unwanted thoughts by focusing my mind. That focus could be on a flower, a pastoral scene, or on anything I wanted to concentrate on. I’ve since left that Zen practice, but I took with me fond memories of stillness, love, and warmth. Mixed with those thoughts are also thoughts of boredom, seeming failure, and futility. I discovered that meditation is a personal practice, the form varies, and so do the results. What works for one might not work for another.

Perhaps the most useful concept to me was the idea of emptying the mind. Most people tend to have a lot of plates spinning in the air, and they spend a lot of energy going from one to another trying to make sure that the spinning doesn’t stop. Meditation can help us remove the plates from the sticks that support them and set them down long enough to discern whether we need or want to spin plates, what the purpose of spinning plates is, and whether or not we might be able to accomplish the same thing by doing something totally different. If our ultimate goal is to connect with The Divine, then meditation becomes one more tool to help us. If our model of prayer is talking with The Divine, then perhaps meditation is our model for clearing our minds of thoughts that would interfere with hearing from The Divine. In prayer, we speak what we know, and, sometimes, we tend to think we know more than we do. Mediation is a means to release the known, and the unknown, and simply listen.

Today’s Assignment is to spend time in prayer and meditation. If you normally begin with prayer, change it up and begin with mediation before prayer. If you begin with meditation, then change and begin with prayer. During meditation, begin by focusing on an object such as a tree, or a flower. Empty your mind of everything that is not the object, and if unwanted thoughts arise, simply set them aside.

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Listen for guidance.

A simple definition for meditation is to listen for guidance. Whether we believe this guidance comes from a Higher Power or whether we believe this guidance comes from our head, heart, gut, intuition, or some place within our own being is a matter of personal choice. Some might believe that the inner guidance is connected with Divine guidance and are the same and that listening to the wisdom of our spirit, soul, or heart is listening to the part of us that is divinely created. We might even go so far as to say that our ability to create is also connected to The Divine and, although not equal to The Divine’s ability to create, might be similar in nature.

We can find a lot of information and guidance on how to meditate. I’m not sure there is a wrong way to mediate. Any attempt to still our body and mind in order to connect with a Higher Power or to connect with our own inner nature seems like a worthy endeavor. I have tried a variety of meditation techniques and have settled on a few that seem to work best for me. On many occasions, I like to add music to my practice, and, most of the time, that music has no lyrics that I’m aware of, so it is all instrumental. I’ve also practiced in groups with individuals who use a meditation bowl, and I enjoy those sessions. Perhaps the greatest amount of time I spend in meditation is done lying in bed early in the morning and thinking of spiritual matters, dreaming of things I hope to accomplish either that day or during the course of my life, and simply allowing my thoughts to take me to places, concepts, and emotions that come and go with the passing of time. I believe it was the Dalai Lama who said that sleep was the best form of meditation, and at times, it seems that I would agree with him. One purpose, or at least a side effect, of meditation is to find inner peace. By calming our minds and opening our hearts, we can find meaning and purpose in the universe, and we can face life with a calmness that allows the turmoil around us to wash over us without overwhelming us.

Today’s Assignment is to consider any biases you might have against meditation and try to release them. As a child, I was led to believe that meditation was something the Eastern religions do, and as such, it was not for our religious community. Spend at least one minute today in a quiet place and open your mind to allow The Divine to speak to you.

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Accept the answers.

Perhaps we give too much credit to The Divine. When something goes right, we praise The Divine. When something goes wrong, we blame The Divine. Much of life has been set in order and takes care of itself. We don’t have to ask our Higher Power to make the grass grow. It simply does, and will, and no amount of prayer will make a difference. Likewise, there are many things in life that have been set in order — gravity, the rising and setting of the sun, birth, and death. Instead of blaming and praising The Divine, what if we simply tried to align our thinking and our lives with the Universe and let things play out as they will? What if we could accept the answers we received in our conversations with The Divine instead of insisting that we know what is best for us?

Day 67 talks about definitions of spiritual and religious words. There are some religious people who would judge a person as evil that embrace a belief in magic yet would approach their prayer life in a magical way by insisting prayer be answered as if it were a “To Do” list for God. This might not be a popular position on prayer, but all we ask is that consideration be given to the concept of aligning our thought life with that of our Higher Power.

Does The Divine have human emotions like we do? Does The Divine get angry, sad, disappointed, or frustrated with us? Is The Divine patient, loving, forgiving, and accepting? I want to say “no” to the first two questions and “yes” to the third question. One thing I do feel confident about is that The Divine only desires what is best for us. There is no malice or hatred in The Divine’s dealings with creation. When we converse with The Divine, we can trust that we are heard and that our prayers will be answered. Just like a parent with his or her child, our Higher Power’s answers might be “Yes,” “No,” Maybe,” “Wait,” or “I’ve got a better idea.” Learning to accept those answers is the challenge. Do we respect parents who give in to the demands of their children, even when the parents know that what the child wants he or she is not ready to handle? Even so, if The Divine can be manipulated in prayer to give us things that are not in our best interest, what kind of a Divine Presence would that be? Let us keep up the conversation, and if we feel we must have answers, then let us learn to accept those answers knowing that The Divine is wiser than we are.

Today’s Assignment is to consider how you respond when you believe The Divine gives you any other answer than the one you want. Do you pout like a child who didn’t get his or her way, or do you wait patiently to see how things play out?

      At one time we understood our Higher Power as our Divine Parent who was in charge of taking care of our every need. Just like a parent sees to all the needs of an infant, The Divine feeds us, bathes us, clothes us, provides shelter, and protects us. As we grow, and as some of these things seem to be unmet, we question whether The Divine has forgotten or abandoned us. We seem to be on our own.
      But, Love knows when to parent and when not to parent. The Divine knows when it is time for us to mature and make decisions on our own. Hopefully, we will make wise decisions, but whatever we choose, we are permitted by Divine Love to find our way in the world, to search for the path of Light that makes meaning and sense to us.
      Love is seen as caring for needs, but it is also seen as freedom. Sometimes parents of children are still taking care of them when they are thirty, forty, fifty years old or older. The expression, “If you love something, set it free,” is accurate. But the follow-up idea that if it was truly yours, it will return to you, is false. If you love, it is yours no matter what decision it makes. Love doesn’t cease to be love simply because it is not reciprocated. Love is. Sometimes the feelings aren’t always positive, but love is still love.

STEP ELEVEN CONTINUED
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Keep up the conversation.

Prayer is the word we use for talking to The Divine. Our concepts of prayer tend to change over the years, especially if we feel The Divine didn’t answer our prayers. Perhaps a more accurate way to phrase it is that The Divine didn’t answer our prayers the way we wanted them to be answered. I’m convinced that our prayers are heard, and I’m also convinced that our prayers are answered. Problems arise when we think we know what is best for our lives and refuse to accept any answer that isn’t the one we wanted. Many times we also think we know the exact timing of those answers, and when the timing isn’t what we thought it should be, we struggle to accept that Divine timing might be perfect for our needs.

Over time, I’ve discovered for myself that prayer works best for me when I think of it as a conversation instead of a place to make petitions. If I imagine myself having a conversation with a friend, one who knows me, loves me, and respects me, then I can see that going to this friend on a regular basis and asking for favors would not be healthy for either of us. I don’t want my friend to give me all the answers or solve all my problems. What I appreciate and value in a friendship is a listening ear, someone to offer a bit of advice from time to time, and someone to believe in me. I appreciate the fact that he respects me enough to know that I will solve most of my problems in my own time and in my own way. If there is a situation that seems beyond my abilities, my friend often offers help or resources that are at his disposal.

In most situations, I will not accept that help, not out of pride, but because I don’t want to take advantage of the friendship. I respect my friend. I wonder if we haven’t at times lost respect for The Divine, treating our relationship as if it’s okay to expect The Divine to solve all our problems without any effort on our part. Perhaps one way to look at prayer is simply having a conversation with That-Which-Is-Greater-Than-Self and working together to find the answers to our problems. If that is the case, then we should always try to keep up the conversation, because we can learn so much and gain so much by listening to the suggestions and advice that can make remarkable changes in our world.

Today’s Assignment is to consider your prayer life. Or, if you don’t have a prayer life, what would you want that prayer life to look like? Are you treating your Higher Power as a resource to get things from, or are you treating your Higher Power as a wise Friend? Are you able to accept “no” for an answer without pouting or losing faith in the integrity and love of your Higher Power?

STEP ELEVEN
 
Seek through prayer, meditation, and contemplation to improve our relationship with the Divine, praying for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.

Instruction: Establish your practice.

Step Eleven takes us out of the realm of being taught by others about The Divine to a place where we have direct communication with The Divine. It reminds us that we can have a religious affiliation and also a personal encounter. This Step might cause problems for atheists and agnostics, but whether or not we choose to believe in a divine being doesn’t negate the importance of this Step. Those who do not believe in a divine being can simply skip prayer and go straight to the mediation and contemplation part of this Step. Mediation can be a way to listen for Divine guidance, but it doesn’t have to mean that to everyone. Meditation can simply be a way to connect with the inner self, the intuitive self, or the part of our brain that analyzes and solves problems. Instead of ‘“praying’” for clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion,” we can simply seek for “clarity of mind, an open heart, and further ways to heal ourselves and our world from the abuses of religion.”

Some might see this Step as an attack on religions, but it is not meant to be. What Religious Recovery is doing is to recognize the truth that religion, at its best, can be a wonderful thing, but at its worst, it can create more harm than good, even to the point of creating global conflicts. How can Step Eleven help prevent the negative effects of religion or prevent more religious abuse? Through prayer, mediation, and contemplation, we can discern ways that we can help to heal our planet. We can seek ways in which we can bring religious communities together. Instead of focusing on the minor issues that separate us, we can help others to focus on the major issues that unite us. Step Eleven can move us out of the comfort of our homes and into a broader fellowship with our global neighbors, and it can open new ways of thinking, believing, and behaving.

Today’s Assignment is to find a system among the many ways there are to pray, meditate, and contemplate that works for you and to establish a simple practice. I’ve meditated “Zen” style and spent time praying in formal settings, but my established, if somewhat unorthodox method, is simply pray, meditate, and contemplate while lying in my bed each morning shortly before dressing and getting on with my day. Our practice doesn’t have to be formal or complicated. Simple is often better.

STEP TEN CONTINUED
 
Seek tolerance and, when possible, accept all religious faiths without judgment.

Instruction: Try not to judge.

Living a life that is free from judgment, of ourselves and of others, is probably impossible. As with many things in life, a balance must be struck — this time that balance is between discernment and judgment. We can visit a religious service and discern whether we believe it is a positive environment for us, or we can sit in judgment of what we hear and the spirit in which it is presented. Judging tends to divide the world into good and evil, whereas discernment is more personal and allows us to make value judgments based on personal needs. If we attempt to push these value judgments onto those who haven’t sought our opinion or advice, we might find ourselves crossing the line between discernment to judgment. This can lead to gossip, rumors, and vicious attacks. There is, at times, a need to report facts, but when we do so, we try to report those facts without prejudice or judgment. When it comes to accepting other religious belief systems, an important thing to remember is that we often judge them based on information given to us by people with prejudices for or against those institutions.

Someone who was abused by a particular religion or by a religious person will tend to be biased against that person or group. They will often judge the entire religious system based on one encounter. This is understandable, but when we are attempting to reconcile religious beliefs in an effort to open our minds to other paths, listening to someone berate a particular religious organization can be detrimental to our goals. Because those who are working through the Religious Recovery program are working through some religious abuse of their own, we want to remember not to judge an entire organization based on the misdeeds of one or a few. There are limits to what we can accept, and our attempt is to accept without judgment whenever possible. There may be times, however, when it is not possible to accept a situation. When that occurs, we do our best to remove ourselves and go our separate ways. If there is a need for more serious action to be taken, we do so with as much love and grace as we can achieve, always acknowledging that we are each capable of failing, too.

Today’s Assignment is to look at ways in which you judge the world. How critical are you when it comes to religious beliefs or people you meet. Are you quick to discount someone or some belief based on judgments passed on to you from others without ever questioning those judgments for yourself? Can you begin turning your judgments aside and learn how to be more discerning?

STEP TEN CONTINUED
 
Seek tolerance and, when possible, accept all religious faiths without judgment.

Instruction: Give yourself time.

What if someone can’t accept all religious faiths without judgment? It can be challenging to accept all religious beliefs, and perhaps we shouldn’t have to. Certainly, I wouldn’t accept a religious faith that required bodily sacrifice to a god. Killing someone in the name of a religion doesn’t resonate with my heart or my head. Religious Recovery doesn’t come right out and oppose any religion because of our decision to be neutral, but we do give each individual the respect and honor they deserve to make those decisions for themselves. We might give advice if asked on an individual basis, but, for the most part, we allow everyone to be responsible for their own spiritual path as we teach in Stone One.

The religious experience a person struggles with the most is often the one that hurt, disappointed, or abused them. After what that organization did to them, how can they be expected to accept them? Perhaps they never can. Perhaps, in time, they can find some good in that experience and release the hurt and pain. Miracles can happen instantly, but when it involves something as important as our spiritual lives, miracles often take time — sometimes months or even years. Some people choose to attack their former religious organization, and we’re not saying that is necessarily a bad thing, but we do understand that attack without healing through forgiveness can leave the attacker in more hurt and pain. We also understand that when we attack, those we attack may retaliate. The stance of Religious Recovery is not to attack any religion but to take those who have been wounded and help them heal themselves with as little additional pain and suffering as possible. We might not be able to accept a religion as viable, but we can accept our experience, learn from it, heal from it, and then help those who suffered similar abuses. As we heal ourselves, we become available to heal others. We will not have to look for them, because when both are ready, they will find one another.

Today’s Assignment is for those who are in the midst of healing from abuse. Give yourself time to heal. You might be looking for retribution or revenge, but, when you attack, you often find you will be attacked in return. This leads to fear, and fear blocks healing, love, and forgiveness. When you haven’t forgiven, you aren’t able to be your most effective self. Your strength comes from your ability to forgive. Only when you can offer radical forgiveness can you work towards ending the abusive behavior while still seeing the abuser as someone who is also in need of healing and help.